Monday morning.  I don't work for two weeks except to grade the hundred Huck Finn essays that I have had for three weeks already.  I plan to do ten a day for ten days.  I am working on writing college recommendation letters also today and tomorrow so I can play golf on the other days.  My level of sadness has diminished from around a seven last week to a six this week.  That amazes me.  I know that at any time it can spike back up but I will take whatever relief I can get.  I spoke with my sbtx the day before yesterday.  It was interesting.  I am not going to chase after her any more.  That shows me how I am healing.  She has no contact with any friends that she had before last year.  They are a bit devastated as well and have giving me support.  One of her friends is a very attractive single woman but I know that I am in no shape for any sort of relationship.  Dealing with my feelings and growing the best I can is my only focus.  My wife shows me how I don't want to do it.  She talked to my son on the phone for two minutes last night.  That is her life now.  She doesn't see him; she just talks to him every once in a while.  I get to see them and be with them each day.  I have pain but I am not dealing with guilt because I lied and cheated and stole.  I can look in the mirror and be okay with me.  That feeling is priceless.I am spending a lot of time working on growing and becoming a better person. I want to understand how I got to the place that I did in my life. I know what my plan was, one marriage forever, but I chose someone who couldn't be honest when she was hurting.  I chose someone who rather than trying to work it out turned to another man when she felt hopeless. It is comforting to learn that I am not that kind of person and there are others like me and that someday I can be with someone who shares my values. I have always found hurt, broken women and tried to fix them.  That is unhealthy.  I can see that clearly now and I am determined to grow through that.  A relationship shouldn't define me. I should be complete as a stand alone.  I have everything I need to be happy within myself and with my God.  Once I can get to a place of acceptence I can enjoy the fruits of my hard labor and this has been the most challenging time of my life. I have so much support from so many people and that is very gratifying.  I am not broken. I am whole and have much to offer and to receive.  DS is a big part of my life right now and offers me much support, companionship and solace in my time of struggle and growth.  I thank all of you and wish you some piece of serenity in the midst of the pain.