Rough morning. Woke up at four am thinking about...you'll never guess, the sbtx. My subconcious mind can't be deterred at this point. Those thoughts are painful. There is consolation but it doesn't remove the pain. The kids are with me and not even in contact with their mother. I can't imagine what life would be like without contact with my kids. When they go away to school next year I know I will call them at least weekly to find out what and how they are doing. That is just the way I am. My daughter is starting her final season of water polo, something that is a huge deal for her and around here. I am going with her today and tomorrow to a tournament, something that my sbtx used to do always. Now she is missing that as well. I feel so sorry for my children. They are innocent bystanders and the psychic pain of having anger towards one's mother is very difficult. Even her friends find it hard to justify her behavior and have no fondness for the man she has chosen. I know that I need to focus on me and not on her. There is nothing there for me to focus on, but when I am sleeping I can't direct my thinking at all. The Christmas holiday is coming and I am really not looking forward to it. If she decides to try to talk with the kids it may get ugly and if she doesn't it will be so sad. I lived with her over twenty years and didn't expect that she would do something like this. On the positive side I don't hurt like I did a week or so ago. The pressure in my stomach is a dull roar not a knot. I can breathe and I can see that I will be okay in a while. I decide to have a great time with my daughter the next two days and to leave all this stuff here and just enjoy.
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I understand. Things will get better. Focus on the good times you have had with your children. Take it one day at a time.
I think that the cheating spouse loses all sense of what is right and wrong in all aspects of their lives. For your wife to have no contact, or limited contact with your children means that she is embarrassed of herself. My husband will not even think of speaking with my family, a family he has known for 11 years, simply because of guilt and embarrassment, he is afraid, I am sure, of the way that they are going to react to him. The problem is the longer that your wife backs off from the kids the harder it is going to get if she finally does want them. T, she is making the mistake of a lifetime, a life without your children in it is a difficult one. The OM is not going to fulfill that part of her life. One thing that I can say, and you could take it or leave it, is try not to bash mom in front of the kids, they are old enough to know what is going on, but I wouldn\'t add fuel to the fire, they are hurting enough. Some parents do that and I just don\'t agree. Their mom\'s actions are wrong and deceitful, but it is still their mom, we only get one in our lifetime. For you dad, you are their hero, you are the one that is their for them and guiding them, and you should be so proud of yourself for that, sometimes dads don\'t get enough credit, well I am giving you lots of credit. One day you are going to look back on this and say it happened and I dealt with it and I am a better person for it. Your wife left, but you are doing so great, be thankful T for everything that you do have, great kids and a great relationship with them and most of all you have your integrity, you have your morals, you have far more than your wife may ever have.
I am sorry for what you are dealing with. Yeah I can\'t imagine not having my children around me and in my life. You are such a good man to be there for your girls and help them out. I too am struggling with the whole idea of Christmas, I am trying to find some spirit somewhere.