My wife and I have been married for nineteen years. We have seventeen year old twins in their senior year of college. This last year things started to get rocky. She had an affair last year and this July on our anniversary things melted down. We went into couple's counseling. I found out that she had felt unheard for many years and had huge resentements which she didn't know how to express. I admitted my part and was willing to do what it took to make things right. She said that she didn't have feelings for me anymore and wanted time seperate. Meanwhile she started in again with the guy she had been seeing before. She told me that he wouldn't see her unless she left me;so she did. Now she is living in an apartment. My son knows this guy and is very upset with my wife. He says that if he sees him, he might hurt him. My daughter is very upset with her mother also and although they have been to therapy together, she can no longer go back and forth between our two places. So now, both kids are living with me and have no contact with their mother. She has spent around $50,000 dollars in the last month. Five thousand to decorate her apartemnt. She says that her attorney told her to pull out $20,000 for living expenses for the next six months. She has always spent lavishly. She has a job outside the home for the first time in nineteen years but it won't cover her living expenses. I was very sad because I loved her and wanted to try and work things out. She says that the three of us are giving her ultimatums, mine was give up the guy and come back into counseling, and she refuses to bend to threats. So she has lost it all. Her taking all that money without telling me is helping me to seperate from her. I don't feel so sad anymore but instead feel of course, angry and in some ways lucky to be free of her. There is no tension in this house anymore. The kids and I are sad but bonded. I never wanted my life to go this way but I am powerless over her. I am very glad to find this site. It helps to get it out.
Replies
Wow this is a tough road. I am glad your daughters and son have such a great example and dad. Best of luck with all the healing.
I hope things do get better for you. One thing I will suggest though, although your children are angry with their mother, help them with this. Tell them it\'s alright to be angry, but not alright to hate. Encourage them to have contact with their mother, this may help them stay close to her.
wow, what a story. I am sorry for your loss. My stbx did not have an affair but did decide not to be married after 15 years. Just wanted to be on his own. glad your kids have you to depend on.
I too am so glad I have a such a close bond with my kids. My stbx didn\'t leave me for another, he just said he didn\'t like this life anymore. He wanted to expereince things he never got a chance too.I don\'t see him moving forward in that direction. He works and works and works..... He has lost the connection with the kids, there is alot of bitterness after all we had the perfect family. We were all so close. I work hard at the realtionship with my kids. They have supported me so much.As I had the rug pulled from under me. However I try to encourage them to have a realtionship with their dad, after all once a dad always a dad. He however has removed himself from the continued trials the kids and I go thru. I guess it is easier that way. For him at least. Love hurts.....