The MIL is coming to town. She will be here today. The kids will be spending tommorrow with thier dad for Fathers day so I assume they will see thier grandmother tommorrow. It's been months since I have seen her and I am feeling okay with her. I am also aware that I need to keep our relationship friendly but distant. Only a matter of time before I get some unsolicited advise about the kids or an unwanted comment about my ex and what a great person he is. I know that she is not going to be happy that I am testifying in the GF's divorce trial. If she is wise she will not say anything about it. I have already decided that the best way to go is to not let her cross the line. She is not capable of figuring out what and where that line is so I will draw it for her..when I have to. I will do it nicely. About to embark on a hair debate. Actually the debate has already started. Connor wants to let his hair grow. My ex has already made several comments that he needs a haircut. We have always kept the boys hair cut pretty short but this time I am going to let it grow. Connor is almost 11..full on puberty and very little control over so many things in his life. Old enough to make his own decision about his hair. I have already given him the okay to let it grow. Haven't shared this information with the ex. Connor told him that he was letting it grow and told me that his dad said "we'll see about that". He is a little worried that he will get dragged to the barber shop. I told him not to worry. I will talk to my ex...tell him that the hair is going to grow. I'll give him my reasons for letting him make this decision for himself. My ex won't agree. Might actually get mad about the whole thing. I'm ready. I haven't played the "custody card" with my ex yet. I try not to..wanting him to be involved with the kids and thier lives. Reminding him that he has no legal authority to make any decisions for them seems counter-productive. I might have to play that card on this one. I will if I have to. Drawing lines..establishing boundries..negotiating relationships.. All things you have to do when you get divorced. Not my favorite things to do but my ex and my MIL have sometimes seemed like they wanted things to stay the same with me. Want me to be my usual self with them. Not going to happen.
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Stick to your guns Che. Your son absolutely must feel he has some control. It may be just a haircut to your ex, but to an 11 yr. old who\'s life seems out of control right now, making this decision on his own will be empowering. He needs that and you are so wise to know it.
I never understood the hoopla about hair. One snip of the sissors and it\'s gone. It\' never a permanent decision until your dna makes it fall out on it\'s own. I have more problems with piercings, but not too bad with that, and more problems with tattoos. However, I realize I\'m in the minority with that one...big time.
You\'re absolutely right about giving them some control over their lives. That really makes for happier kids. And the tighter a parent holds the leash, the more backlash can happen when the rebellion starts (teenage years).
Stay strong Che, no doubt you will do great. I just hope they don\'t ruin your good mood. Have something fun for yourself to do. NO cleaning the house doesn\'t count. Nope, neither does lawn work. I\'m sure you will come up with something.
Funny you should post on your son wanting to let his hair grow. My son and I have an agreement..............he can let his hair grow all summer long............except weekend before school starts, my son will have to get his hair cut, and trimmed to a respectable length. I too love short hair, especially on my son........he\'s a good looking boy, but agree that my son is 11, nearly 12, and he is old enough to make his own decisions, as long as he keeps his hair neat and clean.
Its not often that I step back this much..........but have to, our children need to know that we respect what they want for themselves. I have found its hard to let go.
Agree with you................your son needs to know you have confidence in \"what he wants\". Good on you to respect that :)