1 YEAR..  still don't know exactly what i am going to say so I am just going to type. Woke up on this day one year ago "happily" married.  Just had a great weekend with my husband. getting ready to go on Vacation. Planning our annual 4th of July party. My ex had made and printed out the invitations about 1 week before and he was very excited about it. We were excpecting about 100 people..mostly cops.  He loved having this party. I was busy, trying to do as much as I could to get ready for it before we went to the beach. The party was 3 days after we got back.  I was going to the party store this day and we talked that morning about what I needed to get. Living life..and having a good time doing it. The only "warning" that I had that my marriage might be in trouble was that about 3 weeks before..we were talking and he told me that he didn't feel "connected" to me. He had been "working" alot and, as usual, our schedules did not match. I listed and responded by calling my parents to arrange for them to keep the kids for a couple of night so that we could have some time together. We talked about vacation coming. Took a couple weekends for my mom to be free and it turned out that our kidless weekend happened the weekend before he left. If I could..I would take every minute of that weekend back. It has always seemed to me like he picked a strange time to walk out on our marriage. Not that there would have been a good time but we were having a good time with each other and  were right in the middle of all of the fun things that we did in the summer. He came home the night that he left with an attitude. He had just been at his mom's..unusual for him..and walked in the door acting like a complete ass. Having no idea what was going on..but knowing that it was not good.. I finally told him that he was going to have to tell me what was going on.  He told me that he was "not happy". For whatever reason..maybe the guilty look on his face..I asked him if he was having an affair. He told me that he was. That is a piece of information that you can never be prepared for. If someone would have asked me how i would respond to it i would have told them that I would have told him to pack his bags. Thats not what I did. After what seemed like a very long and quiet moment..i told him that we had 14 hrs in with each other..and 2 kids. A great life for him to loose, i thought, so i told him that he should stay..not completely sure that I could forgive but I was willing to try..if he was willing to end it and work on whatever was wrong with our marriage. I still have no idea what that was. The forgiveness instinct, while suprising, turned out to be a good thing for me. Being willing to forgive and willing to work on whatever was wrong..and him not choosing to do so..has left me feeling right with God..and my kids..and not at fault for my marriage ending. Forgiveness being very different from tolerance..when he told me that he was not ready to leave "her" I told him to leave..that night..which he did. Packed a bag and said some stupid, meaningless things to the kids. Left them crying on Connors bed..completely confused and brokenhearted. I told him later that he blew up our lives and walked out the door..leaving me to pick up all of the pieces. Spent the next day with no contact with him. decided that I needed to know who she was..thought that information would help me decide how I needed to proceed. I was right. I called him early in the morning and asked him who she was.  he said that he didn't think i needed to know. I asked him if he realized what he had just done and how serious it was.  I told him that I would get his phone records and find out who he had been talking to..shouldn't be hard to figure it out. So he told me. I had assumed it was someone in law enforcement but shocked to find out who he was sleeping with. Answered whatever questions I had in my mind about the possibility of our marriage being saved. I thought about it all day and called his that afternoon. I told him that I was seeing a lawyer the next week. I told him that I was going to divorce him..on grounds of adultry. I told him that I didn't know what kind of proof I would need but I expected him to provide it..even if he had to "hole up" in a hotel room with her and have a friend snap a picture. I told him that I would be fair with the kids and the money. I told him that if he made this any harder for me than it had to be that he would regret his life. He must have known that I meant it because I had a "storybook" divorce.  3 trips to the attnys office..15 minutes in court. He signed the papers that were put in front of him and didn't get a lawyer. I didn't want a fight and I was fairer than I had to be. He didn't want a fight and he told me that he "didn't have a leg to stand on". For the first few months he was pretty much a no show with the kids. Just when they needed him the most. he was happy to be free and spending time with his girlfriend. She left her husband. They took a trip together. THEN..she lost custody of her son. HE got demoted at work and taken out of the department that he had worked so hard in. His friends did not support his behavior..which made him angry so he started loosing his friends too. All of this began to humble him a little. Almost like he had no idea how bad what he had done was until his life started crumbling around him. He didn't look so good to his gf after she lost her son and that relationship has been rocky. He started spending more time with the kids. People ask me how I got through those first few months. The answer is my friends. From the night he left to now..they have been completely there for me. Cars and ariplanes headed in my direction. They played with the kids, cleaned my house, brought me food, took me out..an overwhelming show of support. My sister sent me a box of t-shirts that said "team Cheri" and had pictures of girls with pom-poms's for me to give to my friends. I would love to say that I was just super strong but the truth is that it is hard to fall when there are so many people..right there with you..holding you up. Might not have done a great job picking my ex but I have the greatest friends on earth.  In the worst of my divorce hell..I couldn't help but feel greatful. I'm still greatful. I decided that a great way to wrap up this year is to send thank-you cards to my friends. Make sure that they realize how much they mean to me and understand how important they were in getting me through this year. I am going to have lunch today with the friend who came over the night that my ex left..with an overnight bag, treats for the kids, wine for me. Couldn't have done it without her..not well anyway. Also greatful for DS and all of the friends that i have made on this site. I had 5 messages this morning. I feel attatched to many of you and I am going to stick around and help you all celebrate the happy moments that are ahead.. there is another side. I feel like I am on it. A good place to be.