Conflicted Tuesday..Ex brought the kids home. He doesn't look good. Not physically..still looks good (damn it!)..just looks sad. Can't remember the last time I saw him smile. Wondered if he is like that around the kids but..not possible not to smile around them. Thought about the reason why I offered to give him a chance..the night I found out what was going on. Felt, at the time, that one mistake should not mean the downfall of your whole life. Thought that he deserved the opportunity to make it right. Re-read the letter that I wrote him a while back. Not one mistake..many mistakes. Not sure what he deserves at this point but pretty sure that he deserves nothing from me..other than to take care of the kids but that is what THEY deserve..not him. That year mark is approaching and still struggling with so many reminders about this time last year. Attitude I got from ex yesterday was about him bringing the boys here. He wanted me to pick them up. He had had them very close to home and couldn't bring them home because I was not here yet. Took them back to his place. Didn't think that he should have to be bothered with another trip. I told him to bring them home and left it at that..which he did. I wonder if he has ever considered how his actions have inconvienenced me?? Thinking about how to handle that 1 yr mark. What to do with myself that day..Maybe I'll ask my ex MIL to bring me that pie that she had promised..lol
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Sorry to hear sadness and confusion in your journal. I don\'t know what to say He deseves every sadness and pain in his life. He did this. Not you. You gave me a chance and he continued on. There\'s a song I will relate to your current situation. Smile by Lilly Allen. She says something to the effect Everytime You Cry, At First I feel Bad, then I Smile. :) I pray that I get to see sadness in my STBX. Geesh, I have to wait a year? Wish I could come visit and cheer you up but you usually perk back up. Will be waiting for your perkiness and goofiness to come back into your journals. :)
I think you were right to give it a chance for reconciliation (albeit briefly). You put it well when you said one mistake should not bring down a whole life. He SHOULD have begged for forgiveness and told the OW to take a hike.
I too struggle with my anger at times. I don\'t want to stay angry or bitter. It isn\'t healthy.
You are in good touch with your feelings, and you balance that with rational thought. You should treat yourself on your \"anniversary\" with something that will take your mind off this. Just an idea.
I\'ll take a slice of that pie as well, LOL Love the way you end your journal.
I think your right making him bring them home, you do everything else, so this little bit of running on his part should not be a problem.
I say you go out and have a nice time on that day. Maybe go out with some friends, flirt with some guys and just have fun. If you have the kids, then go someplace fun with them, the beach or amusement park. I think the key is to have fun.
Memories are hard at best.........agree with Tim; STBX should help as much as he can........you do way more than some married folks do. Enjoy your time with them, they grow up too fast. Your kids know who is there for them, and its YOU, not him, so in saying this, your memories will be sweeter and richer, because they will be memories, that are life lasting ones with your kiddos.