Keep having "flash-backs".. had another one last night..
Ex called and was telling me that next tuesday he won't be able to pick up the kids..at least will be running late. I told him no problem..I'll get them and take them to karate..he can meet up with us..or not..and take over. he stammered and stuttered and wanted to ask for a different night but didn't..this is why..
2 weeks before divorce was final he called and asked if he could change Tuesday to Monday..had to work. No problem. That friday was his weekend and I found out that day that he did not have to work. The gf was at an out-of-town seminar..Tuesday--Friday..paid for by work..he took 4 days off and went with her. They work for a public agency paid for by tax dollars. I called him..they were in the car together riding home. Asked him if this was true and he hung up. A stupid move that they both ended up regretting. I told him later not to ever ask me to switch days again. I wouldn't do it. He was going to be my ex-husband and I was no longer going to be a person that he could lie to.
I had talked with his boss (the big one..the Sherriff) prior to this. He is a good person and was upset about the whole thing. This move landed me in his office..the morning of my divorce..with a letter and a request. My ex's job got "offered up" to me that day but I never wanted him to lose his job. I did make it clear that my tax dollars were not paying for my then husband and his married girlfriend to "shack up" for 4 days. He shifted around in his chair a little and didn't quite know what to say so I made my message a little more clear..that my friends, family, co-workers..my MOTHER and FATHER..were absolutely NOT paying for that Hotel room. One way or the other. That was going to get fixed.
My ex and the gf got a bill..along with a lot of headache. She has had to answer for that in her divorce proceedings also.
My divorce hearing was later that day. Ex didn't know about my conversation with his Boss. He also didn't know that I had "confirmed" that week that they spent together. My attny asked me on the stand "has there ever been a time when he hasn't gotton the kids when he was supposed to"?..Yes, actually..I told about the other times and saved that one for last. I said that he told me he had to work..but didn't..went out of town with the gf.. and that had been confirmed to me, that morning, by the Sherriff.
Wished I had a camera to take a picture of that face.
The worst part of all of this for me has been being lied to. Like I am some stupid woman who believes whatever he says. I'll never trust him. Bad to not trust a person who takes your kids off every other weekend.
Taking that stand is another thing that I don't regret. We all have our limits and that was mine.
I think my ex is learning about my limits. What I will put up with and what I won't. Hopefully some day he will know that he can switch a night if he needs to.
Not yet.
Ex called and was telling me that next tuesday he won't be able to pick up the kids..at least will be running late. I told him no problem..I'll get them and take them to karate..he can meet up with us..or not..and take over. he stammered and stuttered and wanted to ask for a different night but didn't..this is why..
2 weeks before divorce was final he called and asked if he could change Tuesday to Monday..had to work. No problem. That friday was his weekend and I found out that day that he did not have to work. The gf was at an out-of-town seminar..Tuesday--Friday..paid for by work..he took 4 days off and went with her. They work for a public agency paid for by tax dollars. I called him..they were in the car together riding home. Asked him if this was true and he hung up. A stupid move that they both ended up regretting. I told him later not to ever ask me to switch days again. I wouldn't do it. He was going to be my ex-husband and I was no longer going to be a person that he could lie to.
I had talked with his boss (the big one..the Sherriff) prior to this. He is a good person and was upset about the whole thing. This move landed me in his office..the morning of my divorce..with a letter and a request. My ex's job got "offered up" to me that day but I never wanted him to lose his job. I did make it clear that my tax dollars were not paying for my then husband and his married girlfriend to "shack up" for 4 days. He shifted around in his chair a little and didn't quite know what to say so I made my message a little more clear..that my friends, family, co-workers..my MOTHER and FATHER..were absolutely NOT paying for that Hotel room. One way or the other. That was going to get fixed.
My ex and the gf got a bill..along with a lot of headache. She has had to answer for that in her divorce proceedings also.
My divorce hearing was later that day. Ex didn't know about my conversation with his Boss. He also didn't know that I had "confirmed" that week that they spent together. My attny asked me on the stand "has there ever been a time when he hasn't gotton the kids when he was supposed to"?..Yes, actually..I told about the other times and saved that one for last. I said that he told me he had to work..but didn't..went out of town with the gf.. and that had been confirmed to me, that morning, by the Sherriff.
Wished I had a camera to take a picture of that face.
The worst part of all of this for me has been being lied to. Like I am some stupid woman who believes whatever he says. I'll never trust him. Bad to not trust a person who takes your kids off every other weekend.
Taking that stand is another thing that I don't regret. We all have our limits and that was mine.
I think my ex is learning about my limits. What I will put up with and what I won't. Hopefully some day he will know that he can switch a night if he needs to.
Not yet.
Replies
Oh Yeah!!!!
I loved the story, it actually made me smile a little. The old \"deer in the headlights\" look, I can see it know. LOL It\'s good that your still willing to work with him in the future, you never know what may happen. You are a strong person and what a great mom. As long as the kids are well taken care of, then that\'s great. Just be careful of using them as \"ammo\" to hurt him. I know you wouldn\'t, but they do need both of you working together as a team. Yes, this is the difficult part, but for their sake, do the best you can.
Glad to hear that Ex got some repercussions for his actions. Wished my STBX and his GF got some. One thing I have found out is they no longer go to lunch together. But don\'t know if its because they were advised to no longer do so by the Chief or if they stopped because now everyone knows they are a couple. So now they are playing it off as them NOT being a couple. They finally act like co-workers at work instead of a couple. But, they are still partners. No suffering as far as I can tell other than the looks and whispers they get from other co-workers. I also tried the tax-dollar thing with the Chief but their Agency is a Federal agency so that didn\'t wash. Journals like yours makes me glad I don\'t have a kid with STBX. Then at the same time, I wish I had something that would require some contact. So as it stands, there really isn\'t a reason to have any more contact with STBX. Have to admit, I miss his emails even if they were accusatory or something. At least I was getting attention. That is so bad of me, I know. But doing good. Not contacting him.
BCw3..thanks..I try to keep that in mind..that was what made me so mad..his \"date\" wasn\'t with me..it was with the kids..he saw them about 10 times in the first 4 months after he left..running around with the gf..no time for the heartbroken kids. He\'s done better lately. Still not going to put up with any lies from him..not to me OR the kids.
I can certainly empathize with your situation. For now, I can\'t even deal with the lies my stbx throws my way. She outright lies to the kids too. Confronting her literally turns into a confrontation - so there\'s nothing good in it for anyone for now.
I appreciate seeing how you process the past one step at a time.
I respect you for many reasons, but one is because you seem to have a good grasp of who you are... and this \"processing work\" is just normal integration of past experiences into your life experience... we all need to understand our story, i.e. how we got here in life.
I appreciate you sharing this with us.
That\'s a bittersweet story. Sweet, yes, in victory, lies exposed, and shame brought on those guilty. Bitter in the cost to your sons, and the strain it puts on your relationship with your ex. Seems like you have to be everybody\'s parent, like it or not.
I do admire your intelligence and your assertiveness. Our ex\'s make the worst mistake when they treat us as stupid.