I have been talking to myself all day (not outloud) and this seems to be helping. Lucky for me I give great advise..lol
The ex..more crazy phone calls today..this time about getting Reece some sneakers. He wants to do this this weekend. 3 phone calls about the sneakers. Started to get frustrated and thought about it. He has never bought the kids sneakers before. He doesn't know what to do. It seems easy enough..but not for him.
When I say that my ex did nothing around here before he left... I am not kidding. Minus the yard..NOTHING. I took my car to the garage. I changed the filters in the house. I took care of the kids, the house, the money.. everything. When ex got stirred up one time before the divorce and started threatening with the kids..I told him that I would get all of their teachers, Dr's, dentist and orthodontist in court..line them up..and let the ex identify them. His response?? " Connor goes to an Orthodontist??"
I was already a single mom.
It was not my plan to have a marriage like that. I didn't do everything because I was a "control freak"..thats just what it turned into. I know why. At some point early on I got tired of fighting that fight so I gave it up. I accepted him as is..thankful for the good things about him ..and took care of the rest.
Lessons learned.
I decided that he is not trying to drive me crazy. He does like to talk to me and feels better when I "reassure" him. I don't think thats my job anymore but as long as he is trying to be a better dad for them I will take the silly phone calls.
I'll talk to myself some more tommorrow and maybe I can get the rest of this stuff figured out!!
The ex..more crazy phone calls today..this time about getting Reece some sneakers. He wants to do this this weekend. 3 phone calls about the sneakers. Started to get frustrated and thought about it. He has never bought the kids sneakers before. He doesn't know what to do. It seems easy enough..but not for him.
When I say that my ex did nothing around here before he left... I am not kidding. Minus the yard..NOTHING. I took my car to the garage. I changed the filters in the house. I took care of the kids, the house, the money.. everything. When ex got stirred up one time before the divorce and started threatening with the kids..I told him that I would get all of their teachers, Dr's, dentist and orthodontist in court..line them up..and let the ex identify them. His response?? " Connor goes to an Orthodontist??"
I was already a single mom.
It was not my plan to have a marriage like that. I didn't do everything because I was a "control freak"..thats just what it turned into. I know why. At some point early on I got tired of fighting that fight so I gave it up. I accepted him as is..thankful for the good things about him ..and took care of the rest.
Lessons learned.
I decided that he is not trying to drive me crazy. He does like to talk to me and feels better when I "reassure" him. I don't think thats my job anymore but as long as he is trying to be a better dad for them I will take the silly phone calls.
I'll talk to myself some more tommorrow and maybe I can get the rest of this stuff figured out!!
Replies
I know the feeling of already being a single mom. Believe you me - I know. Isn\'t it funny how it all becomes very clear one day? Makes me sick to know I stayed in that toxicity.
Here\'s a hug to you, a huge one. Your relationship sounds like mine.........that you took responsibility of a majority of things in your marriage, not necessarily by choice, you maybe you fell into it. Mothers don\'t necessarily know what to do, we have to figure things out too...........what we do is network, talk to our mothers, research, basically we go to greath lengths to make sure our children and all are taken care of.
You are doing fine, and if you can help STBX, I would. He probably trusts you more than anyone. Some men do not like to shop, especially even if it is with their children, and he many not even know what type of shoes your boys like, or what their favorite stores are. If the opportunity is there, I\'d do that, and feel good about it. The high road is yours, and your attitude towards all is refreshing, and you give me inspiration to work harder to get along with my husband...........
Alot of things, just take time.
You gotta be kidding me???!!!! He didn\'t know one of his kids had an orthodontist?
My wife tried to paint me like that - she said she made all the appt. OK, great, yes, that she did. When she tried that trick during mediation, I said \"Yes, and I took the kids to their last teeth cleaning by Dr. Hickmont, and I\'ve been to Dr Bigman for their last braces adjustments and we can talk about their pediatricians/coachers/teachers if you\'d like....\"
The mediator put her hands up (like a robbery) and said \"You\'re both really GOOD parents!!\"
Any dad should know this stuff. I guess my stbx didn\'t think I would fight, or had altered reality in her head (her favorite pasttime) so that she really didn\'t think I did this stuff.
che, the silly phone calls are interesting. It\'s like he wants back in...buyer\'s remorse...
You know, accepting people for how they are is part of a healthy relationship. In our situation, it allowed them run free, without respecting the fact that \"Gee, Che really does run the house and the kids, and I just handle the yard\".
THAT\'s the part that\'s missing. Your ex seems to be wising up to it. Although too late to save his marriage, it can still save his relationship with his sons.
Cutting the lawn definitely does not add up to all the other things to run a household. I feel so sorry for your ex because he\'s missed out on so much already. I used to feel strangely proud when Justine would demand that only I could cook her meals whenever we stayed at relatives\' houses. I have no idea who cooks for her now, probably her grandmother.
Thats what I am hoping for... the relationship with his kids. I am sure that he appreciates what he had..now..and it is too late for me. I hope that I will still be willing to be as genererous the next time around..but not for someone that doesn\'t know how to say \"thank you\"..
If you can turn him to a better dad, that\'s fine, but at the same time, only if this doesn\'t affect you or your moods. I always believe that parents have an obligation to be nice to each other if only for the sake of the kids. But that only goes so far as he\'s not harming you with all the contact.
OMG - I can so completely related to what you have experienced! Hell - I even cut the grass - had to practically BEG him to use the weedwacker. Few times I even decided it wasn\'t worth the breath to ask and just did it myself. I didn\'t set out to be so controlling - it just was a role I eventually accepted because if I didn\'t he certainly wouldn\'t...about ANYTHING!
Even now - when he has the kids or we are planning things ahead a little I have to write DETAILED notes and directions for him to keep it all straight. Hell - half the time that doesn\'t work either. Thank goodness I have an almost 12 year old who knows that her sister needs her allergy medicine and a bath every day. GRRRRRR........
~Jenn
: )