I love Fridays!!
I have been doing a good bit of ex-bashing lately so I thought that I would look for a few good things to say..
biggest..throughout this entire process..from the time he left until now..he has not made 1 personal attack on me.. never blamed me..took 100% of the responsibility for the divorce
He tells me frequently that I am a good mom and that the kids are lucky to have me
He thanks me frequently for not "bashing" him with the kids. He says that he knows I don't because of the way that the kids are with him.
to date..he has followed our divorce agreement without exception. Thats the law-abiding citizen in him
despite much room for improvement..at least I know that when the kids are with him they are safe. He takes care of them..in his own unique way..lol
He has never said anything negative about me to the kids.
He hasn't let his guilt interfere with disciplining them when they need it.
He left when I asked (well..told) him to and didn't do anything to complicate the actual divorce.
See??? I can be fair. He has his good points. Dr. P says that we need to inspire people to be what we want them to be. I have tried to "inspire" him to be a good dad. Maybe..and this is a stretch for me.. I don't need to define what that should be. I have my opinions about what a "good dad" should be. Thats not him. Since what I really want from him right now is for him to have a relationship with his boys..maybe I need to ease up a bit and "inspire" him to do it his own way. He didn't have a great role model in the father department. I do think that he is making some efforts to figure this out. Good or bad I did pick him to be the father of my children. I am going to try to be more inspirational..less critical.. and see if that works.
I must be in a really good mood this morning!!
I have been doing a good bit of ex-bashing lately so I thought that I would look for a few good things to say..
biggest..throughout this entire process..from the time he left until now..he has not made 1 personal attack on me.. never blamed me..took 100% of the responsibility for the divorce
He tells me frequently that I am a good mom and that the kids are lucky to have me
He thanks me frequently for not "bashing" him with the kids. He says that he knows I don't because of the way that the kids are with him.
to date..he has followed our divorce agreement without exception. Thats the law-abiding citizen in him
despite much room for improvement..at least I know that when the kids are with him they are safe. He takes care of them..in his own unique way..lol
He has never said anything negative about me to the kids.
He hasn't let his guilt interfere with disciplining them when they need it.
He left when I asked (well..told) him to and didn't do anything to complicate the actual divorce.
See??? I can be fair. He has his good points. Dr. P says that we need to inspire people to be what we want them to be. I have tried to "inspire" him to be a good dad. Maybe..and this is a stretch for me.. I don't need to define what that should be. I have my opinions about what a "good dad" should be. Thats not him. Since what I really want from him right now is for him to have a relationship with his boys..maybe I need to ease up a bit and "inspire" him to do it his own way. He didn't have a great role model in the father department. I do think that he is making some efforts to figure this out. Good or bad I did pick him to be the father of my children. I am going to try to be more inspirational..less critical.. and see if that works.
I must be in a really good mood this morning!!
Replies
Thanks for sharing this. And I can tell you from experience that you do seem to be fortunate for the positive points you mention above.
I hope your good mood is contagious! Happy Friday!
You get the golden award for being so nice today. It is so much easier and makes you feel better to \"inspire\" someone rather than put them down. Looking at the positives in life always makes it seem better. You are not only a good mom, but a good person.
Enjoy your happy Friday and I believe you have the kids this weekend so have fun.
I think you\'re on to something here...it becomes a growth experience for both him AND you.
Great..I have to get divorced AND grow??? lol
Che, growing beats stretching! (IMHO)
Blues..you have a point..I can feel myself growing right now!! lol
Blues..you have a point..I can feel myself growing right now!! lol
Think that you are really trying to see the good in STBX, even when you\'re hurting and moving onward and forward. Way to go..........healing isn\'t always easy.
Che that was so nice. I think we all feel this is about the children. They should come first which you and your ex are doing. Your children will thank you for that. I can only wish my stbx cared about my children, even though he has his own way of being a Dad maybe its not so bad. You should be proud of yourself its not easy.