I had an interesting conversation with my kids last night. They came home and we had time for a little TV..I popped some popcorn.Connor said.."this is what I love about being home..you have good popcorn".. ???
Asked him what he meant and he told me that dad buys that "kettle corn"..he hates that. He started something with that and Reece told me that dad STILL buys crunchy peanut butter. They both hate that. Dad puts butter on the pancakes..good for Connor but Reece HATES butter. And..whats up with those BBQ Fritos?? Who likes those?? I don't keep soda in the house but will take them to a local store to get one sometimes. Reece likes his Coke in black bottles (they are glass).. dad doesn't know about the black bottles. They went on and on.
It occured to me that my ex doesn't know his kids very well. Even when he was here he wasn't. He doesn't know that Reece likes his vegetables raw and Connor likes them cooked. He doesn't know that Reece likes bubble gum toothpaste and Connor likes the minty kind. He doesn't know what words motivate them and what words calm them down. 10 months and he still doesn't know that they hate crunchy peanut butter..or he doesn't care.
Do I clue him in?? send some supplies on the next visit???
Here I am thinking that I am the better parent for them because I would make any sacrafice for thier comfort and well-being.
Turns out..it's the peanut butter.
Asked him what he meant and he told me that dad buys that "kettle corn"..he hates that. He started something with that and Reece told me that dad STILL buys crunchy peanut butter. They both hate that. Dad puts butter on the pancakes..good for Connor but Reece HATES butter. And..whats up with those BBQ Fritos?? Who likes those?? I don't keep soda in the house but will take them to a local store to get one sometimes. Reece likes his Coke in black bottles (they are glass).. dad doesn't know about the black bottles. They went on and on.
It occured to me that my ex doesn't know his kids very well. Even when he was here he wasn't. He doesn't know that Reece likes his vegetables raw and Connor likes them cooked. He doesn't know that Reece likes bubble gum toothpaste and Connor likes the minty kind. He doesn't know what words motivate them and what words calm them down. 10 months and he still doesn't know that they hate crunchy peanut butter..or he doesn't care.
Do I clue him in?? send some supplies on the next visit???
Here I am thinking that I am the better parent for them because I would make any sacrafice for thier comfort and well-being.
Turns out..it's the peanut butter.
Replies
Funny - it\'s so refreshing to hear it the way the kids see it.
It was hard for me to hear my son say \"I wish mom would spend less on make up and more on food\".
I\'d say don\'t clue him in. Let him fumble his way through... he needs to own his relationship with his kids now, right?
Mine like creamy too. I sent all the crunchy with stbx when he moved out since he was the one who ate it.
No cluing-in allowed! No enabling. And you ARE the better parent because you are AWARE of the stuff like peanut butter.
If I may offer a different viewpoint....
I don\'t know your ex and I\'m not making excuses, but back in the day when I was raised, parents did NOT fine tune all the creature comforts and the food for the kids. \"This is what were having - or you can go hungry\". My parents were from the depression era and they were raised in a different environment.
We\'ve catered to our kids taste to some degree, and a part of me has always been resistant to it - yet my stbx was picky too, so she understood it better.
We are fortunate to live in a society where we can make pasta with and w/out the red sauce, buy two types of peanut butter, and offer variety of vegetables where they can choose from. I\'ve been to India and they have much less choice.
That is way too funny, turns out to be the peanut butter. I don\'t get it, the kids tell him, then he should know what they like. I understand about the popcorn. Eat it until it\'s gone then get something else. He could use the peanut butter himself and buy them the other kind. I\'m guessing that\'s his preference and he buys for himself and not the kids. Those that really care about them remember the little things that make the kids happy. It\'s the difference of a home and a house. They have a home with you and a house with him. You just keep being super mom and everything will be OK. Maybe clue him in, still debating that....OK clue him in, it\'s for the boys.
to comment on Blues comment... get where you are coming from..completely. I do cater to the kids. I don\'t let them get away with murder. I demand respect. They treat me and other people well. They do well in school. For me, having food that they will eat is not a big deal. Anyway..that is how things have always been for them and they are used to it. And..since you seem to be a little \"old school\"..I won\'t tell you that I sometimes put thier towels in the dryer to warm them up before they get out of the bathtub. Don\'t you wish I was YOUR mom???
hey..just thought of something else..for 14 yrs I also catered to the ex..got what he wanted, liked and needed. He didn\'t like peas so i made them for the kids and made him something else. Not complaining. My family and I loved all of them and really not hard to throw a bag of peas in the microwave. Are my children spoiled??maybe..mt ex?? definately!!
and to top it off, only a guy would complain about looking to skinney in a picture....lol
Che, I can\'t say I wish you were my mom....but I do wish you get spoiled on Mother\'s Day!!!
Che, a mom knows best. Can\'t say I would give him any clues I think its for him to figure out. We do all we can for our children, its our job to take care of them not our job to take care of our exs also. Our children figure out what mom and dads are all about. You continue being the wonderful mom you are and he can continue his game to.
You know your kids best, because you \"are a great mom\", and pay attention to the small things, which its often the small things that mean the most, like toothpaste, peanut butter, and even warming up their towels. DOn\'t change anything about your parenting...........you\'re great, and your kids love you because you do love them that much.
Unfortunately your STBX won\'t have your great benefits from being spoiled, he lost that privilege, but your kids should have that for a lifetime, mom. Way to go................don\'t change one darn thing, you\'re a great mom!!!!
Hope your evening is going great :)