Ex brought the kids home last night after his visit. Very nice and brought me some $$..never done that before (other than cs which is direct deposited from his job).. Told him not necessary but he said that he knew summer was going to be bad so he wanted to "help" when he can.
Kids were playing so he stuck around to talk for a while. Worried about the kids..worried that they are going to be "labeled".. talked about all of the physical changes with the 10 yr old..on and on..
NOW he is worried about the kids!!
The source of his newfound care and concern??I am not kidding.. HE BOUGHT A BOOK!! 2 actually..one about kids and divorce and one about raising boys.
Of course I wanted to say that he has really never raised these boys but I didn't. I want to encourage him to be a better dad. I told him that I was glad that he bought the books. Hope they help.
We chatted for a couple of minutes (big deal for us!)..I thought for about 1 minute that maybe there was hope for him yet..not with me but with the kids.. he acted like a normal person. I made it through the conversation without one dig or negative comment.
Then he left..smiled at me and..winked!!
Made me think that the only reason he was decent is because his gf is "going crazy" and starting counseling. He doesn't do crazy any better than he does needy.
Kids were playing so he stuck around to talk for a while. Worried about the kids..worried that they are going to be "labeled".. talked about all of the physical changes with the 10 yr old..on and on..
NOW he is worried about the kids!!
The source of his newfound care and concern??I am not kidding.. HE BOUGHT A BOOK!! 2 actually..one about kids and divorce and one about raising boys.
Of course I wanted to say that he has really never raised these boys but I didn't. I want to encourage him to be a better dad. I told him that I was glad that he bought the books. Hope they help.
We chatted for a couple of minutes (big deal for us!)..I thought for about 1 minute that maybe there was hope for him yet..not with me but with the kids.. he acted like a normal person. I made it through the conversation without one dig or negative comment.
Then he left..smiled at me and..winked!!
Made me think that the only reason he was decent is because his gf is "going crazy" and starting counseling. He doesn't do crazy any better than he does needy.
Replies
I\'m glad he\'s worried about the kids.
I\'m glad he\'s reading the book.
I\'m very glad he gave you $$!
I\'m glad you and he were able to talk.
Maybe some sense is creeping back between those ears!
Me.. well I\'m cooking dinner for stbx tommorrow in a crock pot (I mean I won\'t be home for dinner because of band practice)... thats something isn\'t it... ? I mean we don\'t talk but hey I cooked something for him.
HUGS.
Chris
Evening. Its good that STBX is helping some........just be careful at how much \"you trust\" these new changes. They are positive, but see if he keeps them up. That is outstanding for the boys\' sake though, the is trying to learn some new parental skills.
The extra $$$ sure doesn\'t hurt either :)
It takes a long time to change but...it IS possible. Glad you could keep up the positive reinforcement, and resist the urge to get your digs in (that is REALLY hard!!)
OMG, I about choked on my wine when I read that he bought a book! So classic, considering your experience with books lately. Maybe it was the celibacy one? Nah...then he wouldn\'t have winked.
Holly..only single MOM\'s are expected to be celibate.. no man would give that kind of advise...
Chris... so..what are you putting in that crockpot??
It\'s a tough read, he is either really sorry for not being a good dad and the books opened his mind; or he is playing the part to look like he has changed and hoping for some type of future reconciliation. I understand you being leary around him. I know you will never take him back, but let\'s hope it\'s the first. Your boys need a dad, I pray that he becomes that person for them.
BCw3..thats what I am hoping for..I\'ll honestly probably never trust him and I definately won\'t depend on him.. anything good will be a happy suprise!!
What is it for cooking for these men...I cooked a pot roast yesterday and then we got in a discussion about the divorce the landed me out the door in tears. What was the last thing he said to me as I was leaving, \"this roast is really tender\" I just responded, \"I hope you enjoy it.\" I was told from my coworkers that I have to stop being so nice and that I\'m making this to easy on him.
I\'m happy that that stbx of yours is making positive steps to better himself as a father, in doing so I think that will help your relationship with him too. Giving him the benifit of the doubt is a good thing, I\'m proud that you didn\'t even slip in a dig. That is my biggest challenge. I\'m just finishing up with this denial stage, now I\'m just going to get PO\'d. :)
What in the hell is he doing w/ a crazy GF, he should be concentrating souly on those children at this point.
My stbx doesn\'t make me dinner!hmmmmm wouldn\'t really want her around i think that just makes things harder when your trying to get over it.
Too bad he had to get a divorce before he decided to become a good dad. That\'s pretty sad, better late than never. The boys need a good father figure, just hope he can be that for them. Mixed feelings on that one, the stbx was a good mother figure. But having a boyfriend in front of my kids shows she has crappy morals. I don\'t want them to learn that. But i encourage them to call her to talk about things.
I agree with 035098chris, the kids are the ones who are most affected by everything. They should be #1
My first reaction was OW MY GOD! I think its great that he\'s trying with the kids. I was talking to a friend yesterday and she said her ex turned into the best dad after the divorce. To bad it happened after the divorce. I hope my stbx could turn the corner like yours. Hope it lasts for everyone.