Just Thinking
I have been here now for over 5 years. Many friends have come and gone. Me being a preacher has alienated some from being my friend but, those people never knew the "real me". As a preacher, I am not some starched, stiff collared, holier than thou type preacher at all.
As an ex-biker, I have many memories, some which are terrible. Scars and tattoos, yes, I have both. Regrets, I have many, more than I choose to recall.
Some here have asked me very direct questions about bikers, their lifestyles, etc., and I have honestly and openly answered them.
In my years, I have dealt with alcoholism, depression, divorce, losing my house in a fire, losing jobs due to plant closures, and yes, the worst of these was the death of my middle son, in a car wreck in 2005.
As a former biker, boozer, drug user and a current Pastor, I have reached out to many here. Some have accredited me for saving their lives. I have spent a lot of time these past 5 yrs. with people on the depression and Breakups and Divorce groups. Many of these have been in individual messages. I send my Sunday messages to people who want them. Some have said they wanted to hear me preach.
I guess what bothers me the most is failing those I have tried to help. I have opened my heart to them, opened my life to them and for whatever reasons, they have chose to delete me, abandon me or just plain ignore me. For 37 years, I have dedicated my life to helping others, any way I could.
For those who have stated that I have helped them, I am happy for them. I want what is best for them in life. This is what has motivated me for so many years.
I have strived to be a blessing instead of a curse, like I was for years, as a biker.
I have a genuine love for people and for those who truly know the "real me", know this is true.
As an ex-biker, I have many memories, some which are terrible. Scars and tattoos, yes, I have both. Regrets, I have many, more than I choose to recall.
Some here have asked me very direct questions about bikers, their lifestyles, etc., and I have honestly and openly answered them.
In my years, I have dealt with alcoholism, depression, divorce, losing my house in a fire, losing jobs due to plant closures, and yes, the worst of these was the death of my middle son, in a car wreck in 2005.
As a former biker, boozer, drug user and a current Pastor, I have reached out to many here. Some have accredited me for saving their lives. I have spent a lot of time these past 5 yrs. with people on the depression and Breakups and Divorce groups. Many of these have been in individual messages. I send my Sunday messages to people who want them. Some have said they wanted to hear me preach.
I guess what bothers me the most is failing those I have tried to help. I have opened my heart to them, opened my life to them and for whatever reasons, they have chose to delete me, abandon me or just plain ignore me. For 37 years, I have dedicated my life to helping others, any way I could.
For those who have stated that I have helped them, I am happy for them. I want what is best for them in life. This is what has motivated me for so many years.
I have strived to be a blessing instead of a curse, like I was for years, as a biker.
I have a genuine love for people and for those who truly know the "real me", know this is true.
Replies
I hope it\'s ok that I am replying here. I saw this journal entry by chance, at the bottom of the home page (I guess the journals that are not closed show up there to everyone).
I wanted to comment on what you said when you said the following:
\"\"I guess what bothers me the most is failing those I have tried to help. I have opened my heart to them, opened my life to them and for whatever reasons, they have chose to delete me, abandon me or just plain ignore me. For 37 years, I have dedicated my life to helping others, any way I could.\"\"
Please know that you have not failed those individuals. They made the choices they made to delete/abandon/ignore you. My guess is that you touched upon something with them that hit way too close to home for them and, instead of acknowledging it, they did what was easiest for them to do within themselves and cut away from you. Maybe from fear, shame or something else. While I truly believe we all need others to help us through life, especially through the tough times in life, we also must help ourselves, especially through the times that others extend help to us.
Their choice to let you go as a friend should have no bearing on you as a person. The fact that you have even helped one person through trials and tribulations is what God is using you for and that one person (and I know it\'s been more) is a testament to who you are and what you have given your life for as a Pastor.
I have seen many posts/responses from you on the depression boards over the years and you have always been, in my mind, a truly caring and compassionate person. Even if some people have never said it to you, I bet you have helped in ways you don\'t even know about. I know you have said things that have made me stop and take notice. Your kindness shines through.
My best to you xx