Life
Many of us have hardships in life. Some are mental, like depression, bi-polar, and others, some are physical, like cancer, emphysema, COPD, Diabetes, etc. and, some are social as well as family issues. Some are divorces, suicides of loved ones, death of parents, loved ones, financial woes, and wayward sons and daughters.
God knows I have had my share. I have been divorced, lost my home in a fire, my car burnt up, I have been shot, stabbed, had broken hands, fingers cut off and re-attached,
my tongue almost severed twice, clamps put on arteries to keep me from bleeding to death. Had a screw driver ran completely through my left hand. My brother-in-law was murdered and I lost my middle son, in a car wreck, in 2005. Most of you who know me, know about these things.
I spent a terrible life as a biker, been beat up, cut up, and busted up. I have been betrayed by those I considered friends. I have been put down, most of my life by society, rejected by those I loved, and even my twin brother turned his back on me this past June and chose a deacon over me being the Pastor of the church that I loved and put my heart and soul into for 5-1/2 years.
Today, I found out that a friend of mine, who I have known for 40 years, has been out trying to get people, who attend my new church, to come back to the church I mentioned above. This hurt me very deeply because, I am the one who led this man, and his wife to the Lord. I visited his mom in the nursing home every week, I went to her home and visited her. I won his son to the Lord too and now, he has been doing this behind my back.
Friends, who I considered friends here, never contact me, even after I message them 3 or 4 times. Some have even questioned my integrity, which really bothers me.
I have never been a quitter. I would always fight back with every bit of strength I've had and, had I not done that, I would not be here today. I have always considered myself a survivor. Now, I am beginning to wonder, if it is all worth the struggle. Maybe I am just getting too tired and too old to fight anymore. Maybe it's time to step back and let things roll on their own path. I have done my best to be an encourager, a man who cares, a man who reaches out to the hurting and those who desperately need a friend. I guess it's kind of like the old story they used to tell, "If a dog bites you, don't keep trying to pet it unless you want to get bit again"!!
Rejection has always been a terrible trigger for me. I was rejected by my mom and never could measure up to my twin brother. I was always rejected at school and was the last one chosen to play on any team. I never was allowed to play sports in school. Too much farm work to do. Never dated much in school, was a loner because I was always rejected when I asked girls for a date or to go to a sock hop or dance. Biker gangs accepted me, and that was a terrible 8 years of my life. Music became my focus and I taught myself to play piano and some say, I was good at it.
I started this week out, looking for a great week but, things took a slide but, that's life isn't it. Depression is the wound and rejection is the trigger. It's time to heal again.
God knows I have had my share. I have been divorced, lost my home in a fire, my car burnt up, I have been shot, stabbed, had broken hands, fingers cut off and re-attached,
my tongue almost severed twice, clamps put on arteries to keep me from bleeding to death. Had a screw driver ran completely through my left hand. My brother-in-law was murdered and I lost my middle son, in a car wreck, in 2005. Most of you who know me, know about these things.
I spent a terrible life as a biker, been beat up, cut up, and busted up. I have been betrayed by those I considered friends. I have been put down, most of my life by society, rejected by those I loved, and even my twin brother turned his back on me this past June and chose a deacon over me being the Pastor of the church that I loved and put my heart and soul into for 5-1/2 years.
Today, I found out that a friend of mine, who I have known for 40 years, has been out trying to get people, who attend my new church, to come back to the church I mentioned above. This hurt me very deeply because, I am the one who led this man, and his wife to the Lord. I visited his mom in the nursing home every week, I went to her home and visited her. I won his son to the Lord too and now, he has been doing this behind my back.
Friends, who I considered friends here, never contact me, even after I message them 3 or 4 times. Some have even questioned my integrity, which really bothers me.
I have never been a quitter. I would always fight back with every bit of strength I've had and, had I not done that, I would not be here today. I have always considered myself a survivor. Now, I am beginning to wonder, if it is all worth the struggle. Maybe I am just getting too tired and too old to fight anymore. Maybe it's time to step back and let things roll on their own path. I have done my best to be an encourager, a man who cares, a man who reaches out to the hurting and those who desperately need a friend. I guess it's kind of like the old story they used to tell, "If a dog bites you, don't keep trying to pet it unless you want to get bit again"!!
Rejection has always been a terrible trigger for me. I was rejected by my mom and never could measure up to my twin brother. I was always rejected at school and was the last one chosen to play on any team. I never was allowed to play sports in school. Too much farm work to do. Never dated much in school, was a loner because I was always rejected when I asked girls for a date or to go to a sock hop or dance. Biker gangs accepted me, and that was a terrible 8 years of my life. Music became my focus and I taught myself to play piano and some say, I was good at it.
I started this week out, looking for a great week but, things took a slide but, that's life isn't it. Depression is the wound and rejection is the trigger. It's time to heal again.
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