Life
Many of us have hardships in life. Some are mental, like depression, bi-polar, and others, some are physical, like cancer, emphysema, COPD, Diabetes, etc. and, some are social as well as family issues. Some are divorces, suicides of loved ones, death of parents, loved ones, financial woes, and wayward sons and daughters.
God knows I have had my share. I have been divorced, lost my home in a fire, my car burnt up, I have been shot, stabbed, had broken hands, fingers cut off and re-attached,
my tongue almost severed twice, clamps put on arteries to keep me from bleeding to death. Had a screw driver ran completely through my left hand. My brother-in-law was murdered and I lost my middle son, in a car wreck, in 2005. Most of you who know me, know about these things.
I spent a terrible life as a biker, been beat up, cut up, and busted up. I have been betrayed by those I considered friends. I have been put down, most of my life by society, rejected by those I loved, and even my twin brother turned his back on me this past June and chose a deacon over me being the Pastor of the church that I loved and put my heart and soul into for 5-1/2 years.
Today, I found out that a friend of mine, who I have known for 40 years, has been out trying to get people, who attend my new church, to come back to the church I mentioned above. This hurt me very deeply because, I am the one who led this man, and his wife to the Lord. I visited his mom in the nursing home every week, I went to her home and visited her. I won his son to the Lord too and now, he has been doing this behind my back.
Friends, who I considered friends here, never contact me, even after I message them 3 or 4 times. Some have even questioned my integrity, which really bothers me.
I have never been a quitter. I would always fight back with every bit of strength I've had and, had I not done that, I would not be here today. I have always considered myself a survivor. Now, I am beginning to wonder, if it is all worth the struggle. Maybe I am just getting too tired and too old to fight anymore. Maybe it's time to step back and let things roll on their own path. I have done my best to be an encourager, a man who cares, a man who reaches out to the hurting and those who desperately need a friend. I guess it's kind of like the old story they used to tell, "If a dog bites you, don't keep trying to pet it unless you want to get bit again"!!
Rejection has always been a terrible trigger for me. I was rejected by my mom and never could measure up to my twin brother. I was always rejected at school and was the last one chosen to play on any team. I never was allowed to play sports in school. Too much farm work to do. Never dated much in school, was a loner because I was always rejected when I asked girls for a date or to go to a sock hop or dance. Biker gangs accepted me, and that was a terrible 8 years of my life. Music became my focus and I taught myself to play piano and some say, I was good at it.
I started this week out, looking for a great week but, things took a slide but, that's life isn't it. Depression is the wound and rejection is the trigger. It's time to heal again.
God knows I have had my share. I have been divorced, lost my home in a fire, my car burnt up, I have been shot, stabbed, had broken hands, fingers cut off and re-attached,
my tongue almost severed twice, clamps put on arteries to keep me from bleeding to death. Had a screw driver ran completely through my left hand. My brother-in-law was murdered and I lost my middle son, in a car wreck, in 2005. Most of you who know me, know about these things.
I spent a terrible life as a biker, been beat up, cut up, and busted up. I have been betrayed by those I considered friends. I have been put down, most of my life by society, rejected by those I loved, and even my twin brother turned his back on me this past June and chose a deacon over me being the Pastor of the church that I loved and put my heart and soul into for 5-1/2 years.
Today, I found out that a friend of mine, who I have known for 40 years, has been out trying to get people, who attend my new church, to come back to the church I mentioned above. This hurt me very deeply because, I am the one who led this man, and his wife to the Lord. I visited his mom in the nursing home every week, I went to her home and visited her. I won his son to the Lord too and now, he has been doing this behind my back.
Friends, who I considered friends here, never contact me, even after I message them 3 or 4 times. Some have even questioned my integrity, which really bothers me.
I have never been a quitter. I would always fight back with every bit of strength I've had and, had I not done that, I would not be here today. I have always considered myself a survivor. Now, I am beginning to wonder, if it is all worth the struggle. Maybe I am just getting too tired and too old to fight anymore. Maybe it's time to step back and let things roll on their own path. I have done my best to be an encourager, a man who cares, a man who reaches out to the hurting and those who desperately need a friend. I guess it's kind of like the old story they used to tell, "If a dog bites you, don't keep trying to pet it unless you want to get bit again"!!
Rejection has always been a terrible trigger for me. I was rejected by my mom and never could measure up to my twin brother. I was always rejected at school and was the last one chosen to play on any team. I never was allowed to play sports in school. Too much farm work to do. Never dated much in school, was a loner because I was always rejected when I asked girls for a date or to go to a sock hop or dance. Biker gangs accepted me, and that was a terrible 8 years of my life. Music became my focus and I taught myself to play piano and some say, I was good at it.
I started this week out, looking for a great week but, things took a slide but, that's life isn't it. Depression is the wound and rejection is the trigger. It's time to heal again.
Replies
So sorry you are going through very rough times, it seems your whole life. I went through much abuse, trials, tribulations, many painful losses, and suffering. I suffered depression for 6 decades until I came to my present church NLCFF where I was healed & delivered of the depression by Jesus Christ and my joining their ministry in which I am an active artist painting huge murals, write & read faith poetry. Despite all our sufferings, the Lord has been still is with us. Like you a number of years ago before I came to Hawaii to live with my son & daughter, I felt like throwing in the towel. I have sort of retired in my 60\'s and just take it easier. I have earned it. So have you. May God lift your spirit. Take care & God bless you. Carol
Jesus did not promise us a picnic...if fact, we can know that our lives will be filled with tribulations and tests...I can only hope that you will keep your resilient attitude and make the best out of all the adversity. I pray God\'s will for you life and through all the sorrow you will find joy in knowing that God is our refuge through it all....In Christ, dale..brandon\'s mom
I\'m sorry Pee Wee............and I understand how you are feeling and why. Please know how much I care ............... and I know you aren\'t a quitter........ you are a wonderful man and a blessing to me. Love you.
PEEWEE, I KNOW MUCH HEART ACHE AS WELL, I AM THANKFUL FOR ALL THE ROTTEN THINGS DONE TO ME BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THEY WERE MOLDING TOOLS IN GOD\'S HANDS TO MAKE ME INTO WHAT HE WANTED ME TO BE. I HAVE NO REGRETS. I HAVE COME TO LEARN THAT IT IS THE LORD GOD WHOM I SERVE AND NOT PEOPLE. HE LEADS ME AND GUIDES ME TO WHERE I NEED TO GO OR WHOM I NEED TO SPEAK. IT IS ALWAYS HIM THROUGH ME, NEVER ME. IF I START TO TAKE ON THE ABUSE OF OTHERS TREATMENT TO ME PERSONALLY, THAN I KNOW I HAVE LOST MY FOCUS AND PURPOSE. FOR IT IS HE WHOM I SERVE, THE LORD ALONE AND I AM MERELY A VESSEL HE USES. YES I KNOW OUR FEELINGS GET HURT, WE GET STEPPED ON, SPIT ON AND CHEWED UP. SURE WE CAN HAVE OUR TIME OF HURT, BUT WE MUST CATCH OURSELVES BEFORE WE BEGIN THE SPIRAL ON DOWN INTO THAT AWFUL PIT OF GREAT SORROWS AND DEPRESSION. PEEWEE, PLEASE TRY NOT TO LET THIS HURT FESTER WITHIN YOUR HEART. I KNOW O SO WELL JUST WHERE THAT TAKES US, PLEASE DON\'T GO DOWN THERE, PLEASE GRAB ONTO THE TRUTH, THE TRUTH BEING GOD\'S WORD. YES, WE LIVE IN UNJUST WORLD, YES PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS GOING TO PUSH OUR BUTTONS, TRAMPLE ON US AND MOCK US, BUT HOW LIBERATING IT IS TO KNOW THAT WE ARE NOT ACCOUNTABLE TO THEM BUT OUR PRECIOUS LORD , HE SEE\'S THE UNJUSTICE AND THE TRICKERY OF MEN AND HE WILL BE THE ONE TO DEAL WITH THEM. THAT IS WHERE OUR PEACE COMES FROM, KNOWING THAT IN THE END GOD WILL HAVE HIS WAY WITH OUR ENEMIES. NOW I KNOW, THAT THIS IS YOUR TWIN BROTHER WHO IS HURTING YOU. I KNOW HOW VERY DEVASTATING IT IS WHEN FAMILY DOES AN INJUSTICE TO US. BUT THE LORD WILL DELIVER YOU FROM THEM, HE WILL UPLIFT YOU TO RISE ABOVE THEM AND HIS DISCIPLINE WILL BE UPON YOUR BROTHER. REMEMBER PEEWEE, THIS IS NOT A BATTLE BETWEEN CHURCHES. THAT IS NOT GOD\'S WAY. THE CHURCH YOU ARE LEADING IS NOT YOUR OWN BUT GOD\'S AND HE WILL ALLOW THE PEOPLE DO MAKE THERE CHOICES. IF THEY CHOOSE TO GO BACK TO A CHURCH THAT IS NOT RIGHT WITH GOD, PRAY FOR THEM THAT THEIR EYES BE OPENED TO THE DECEPTION. WE ARE NOT AT WAR AGAINST ONE ANOTHER BUT AGAINST THE RULERS, AGAINST THE POWERS, AGAINST THE WORLD FORCES OF THIS DARKNESS, AGAINST THE SPIRITUAL FORCES OF WICKEDNESS IN THE HEAVENLY PLACES. (EPH 6:12). I HAVE SUFFERED THE LOSS OF ALL THINGS, AND COUNT THEM BUT RUBBISH IN ORDER THAT I MAY GAIN CHRIST. PHIL 3:8) I KNOW YOUR PAIN DEAR PEEWEE AND I AM NOT TRYING TO MAKE LIGHT OF IT. MY HEART BREAKS FOR THIS IJUSTICE DONE TO YOU, I AM ONLY TRYING TO SPEAK TRUTH AND HAVE YOU GRAB HOLD OF IT BEFORE YOU SPIRAL DOWN. PLEASE KNOW THAT I LOVE MY BROTHER AND I STAND WITH YOU IN PRAYER . I AM HERE FOR YOU IF YOU JUST NEED A SHOULDER. AGAIN PLEASE KNOW I DO NOT STAND IN A POSITION OF BEING HOLIER THAN THOU, I AM MERELY GRABBING ON TO THE TRUTH MYSELF TO SURVIVE AND WALK IN THIS CROOKED WORLD FOR WHICH WE APPEAR AS LIGHTS. I AM HERE, THE LORD IS HERE AND JUSTICE IS HIS. GET UNDER HIS WINGS PEEWEE AND TAKE SHELTER AND REST. LET THE LORD FILL YOU BACK UP WITH HIS WISDOM AND STRENGTH TO CARRY ON IN HIM MY DEAR BROTHER. MUCH LOVE AND PRAYERS ARE BEING SAID FOR YOU. LOVE, CONNIE
Connie.
I am just disturbed that this man would try to undermine the new work by trying to get people to leave it and go back to a church that is not right in the scriptural ways of governing. Deacons should not cuss, start false rumors, tell their wives not to tithe, tell other members of the church to extort money from the Veteran\'s Administration by falsifying tests as this deacon admitted he did, as well as slandering other potential members of the church, telling other deacons to shut up and let him talk, find fault with the church prayer list, find fault with the song leader, etc. This is the kind of man I dealt with for 7 months. I asked the Elders to remove him from office, one elder agreed, one didn\'t. I then asked to bring this Deacon before the congregation and the elder would not let me do that. This Elder in both these cases was my twin brother. I then said if the Elders would not remove this Deacon and if I could not bring him before the congregation, then I had one other option. That was either he was removed from office or I would resign. My brother did not take this vote to the church board at all. He just focused on my ultimatum and He chose to send me a letter stating that my request for the Deacon\'s removal was denied and that I had to adhere to 5 mandates listed in the letter, if I wanted to remain as Pastor. I resigned the following Sunday just as I said I would. God will not bless a church that has leadership and to top all this off, this Deacon\'s own wife, who has been married to him almost 30 years says that he is not even saved!!!!!!!! My brother was told that before I gave my ultimatum and chose to ignore it. It is all in God\'s hands now anyway but, I do not appreciate people trying to undermine the new work we have started. When I say \"WE\", I do not mean me. I mean it is the Lord\'s work, I am just the vessel he uses and that is all I have ever been.
OKAY PEEWEE, I\'M SORRY IF I MISS SPOKE. PEEWEE I KNOW YOU ARE A VERY WARM AND LOVING PERSON JUST BY YOUR JOURNALS AND SERMONS. I WAS WRONG TO SAY WHAT I DID ABOUT THE CHURCH BEING GOD\'S. I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW YOU ARE HIS VESSEL. PLEASE FORGIVE ME! LOVE, CONNIE