Day one
This has been the story of my life... feeling miserable, odd, not one of the crowd, different somehow, never fitting in, always too emotional, always trying to be perfect, trying to please everyone.
I am so tired now. I don't know how to be happy. I tried to end my life 3 years ago. My biggest regret is that I failed then. I don't want to go on any longer. I feel that I am not a good influence at all on my family and that I only make them unhappy. I am no longer able to do my job properly, which only re-enforces my feelings of uselessness.
I used to be a top achiever and worked myself into a nervous breakdown and complete collapse. Since then, I just don't feel like trying anymore. I am tired.
My faith in God is floundering. It was non-existent, but I grew stronger again. Now, it's almost back to nothing.
People who care about me tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Sadly, they just don't get it. I don't feel sorry for myself at all. I am sorry for my family. I am sorry that they have to go through this misery with me. I am sorry for the pain that I cause them now and will cause them in the future. I am sorry for my employers. They need someone who can do the job properly.
For myself, I just want it to end. I wish I could be a happy person, but therapy, medication, a new country, a new job, a new husband, trying different religions, none of these things has done any good. Therefore, the problem is within me. This is something that I can never escape from. You can never escape yourself. How then can you ever be happy?
I am so tired now. I don't know how to be happy. I tried to end my life 3 years ago. My biggest regret is that I failed then. I don't want to go on any longer. I feel that I am not a good influence at all on my family and that I only make them unhappy. I am no longer able to do my job properly, which only re-enforces my feelings of uselessness.
I used to be a top achiever and worked myself into a nervous breakdown and complete collapse. Since then, I just don't feel like trying anymore. I am tired.
My faith in God is floundering. It was non-existent, but I grew stronger again. Now, it's almost back to nothing.
People who care about me tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Sadly, they just don't get it. I don't feel sorry for myself at all. I am sorry for my family. I am sorry that they have to go through this misery with me. I am sorry for the pain that I cause them now and will cause them in the future. I am sorry for my employers. They need someone who can do the job properly.
For myself, I just want it to end. I wish I could be a happy person, but therapy, medication, a new country, a new job, a new husband, trying different religions, none of these things has done any good. Therefore, the problem is within me. This is something that I can never escape from. You can never escape yourself. How then can you ever be happy?
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