Guilt

I hate that I feel this way. There is a girl I used to work with who was 2 weeks ahead of me my whole pregnancy. While I changed my eating habits, took my drinking down to one glass of red wine every other day which is actually good for baby, started exercising more, made my other half smoke outside so Grace wouldn't get the 3rd hand smoke... this girl was drinking alcohol and chain smoking... and flaunted all this on facebook! I lost my baby, she didn't.
I feel so guilty for hating her. For thinking its not fair that I did everything right and lost my baby girl, while she did bad things that could hurt her baby and he was healthy and happy. At one point at the darkest of my days I even wished I could have adopted her little guy (oh yeah she gave him up too so she didn't even want her baby and had a healthy one). It makes me feel so guilty and horrible for even thinking these things. Wondering why people who don't care about the welfare of the baby while their pregnant get to keep theirs and I lost mine. I even cut out sugar for her... which trust me as a fat girl that was hard! 
Even though I kept these thoughts to myself I still had these thoughts, and it hurts to know I sunk to that level, to feel this outright hatred. I hate myself for disliking her choices so much. i just keep trying to tell myself that things happen for a reason but that just makes me hurt worse. It makes me feel more alone than ever.