dreams, everyone of us has dreams, some we remember some we do not. Ive spent most of my life having dreams  some good some bad.  As of late I have realized that some of my dreams will never come true.   At one point I dreamed of being a professional athlete, lol  Im not even sure I could have been a pro water boy LOL.  I began to dream in a more realistic scope.  I dreamed of being a husband, a father, a good man.  The jury is out on the father and good man as for the husband bit I have failed not once, twice but three times.  I wont bother trying to explain  what has happened in my marital life.  The common denominator is me.  I grate on people, i agitate, and i envoke hatred  ask my stbx,   i used to dream the fairy tale ,  sounds gay from a man but it was what I wanted,  the white picket fence, loving wife and kids who adore me.  I almost had it all and now its gone.  There is a following that believes that God will never give you more than you can handle. My question for some time is  does that apply to happiness as well as grief.  I started this entry about dreams and i question whether I should try and remember them and if so do they always have to be nightmares.  I used to dream my dear stbx  was being raped by her alcoholic ex,  it never happened.  I used to dream  I was caught in a chemical fire at my place of employment , that hasn't happened, now I continually dream of death  and it hasn't happened.  There must be a reason I dream in such negative realms, have i completely given up on anything positive ever happening again in my life.  Guess thats why i continue  to wake up, just to try again, to see what  the next dream will be.  I still long for Love I still want to be a good man and I am trying to be a good father, just really wish I could dream a positive dream that would come true.  Then don't we all