Went to my oldest last night to watch a pay per view, and the damn cable comp screwed it up never saw a thing but we did have some good conversation.  For the past 15yrs I have watched this boy become a fine young man, he is to marry a girl he has dated for the past 2yrs in March. I am extremely proud that he still considers me family, even though his Mom has decided to divorce me. The wedding is scaring the crap out of me, I know she will be there and I hope she isn't resentful of me being there. I don't want the bride and groom to have any more pressure than what is necessary, and I've thought seriously about not attending. I had always thought we might get things worked out between us b4 the wedding but that seems to be a NO.  Guess Im beginning to realize more and more that nobody can love me without being hurt.   youngest commented to me the other night " Dad, since you quit chewing, you haven't cried bout Mom as much"   i haven't till 2day must have cried an hour just hoping against hope for a reprieve. I feel like the condemned man headed for the gallows waiting for the governor to call