I was in Providence, RI. I owned a 3 family house, and lived on the first floor. My daughter, who now has 5 children from different fathers, was living on the 2nd floor, not paying rent, and her children were in the custody of the state. One thing about Rhode Island's children and family services: Once the children are taken into custody, it is almost impossible to get them back. It is also very difficult for a family member to get them, as well. Apparently, some young woman was addicted to drugs, and her 2 small children were taken and placed with her sister, also young with 2 children and addicted to drugs. One of the children died in foster care with the sister, and RI made a policy to not place the children with family members.So, I wanted my grandaughter. She is turning 9 next week, and she and I have always been close. She entered foster care at 5.My daughter was 3 1/2 years behind on her rent. I had a disasterous business encounter which cost me nearly $20,000, and a "housing" issue because of a deck that my exboyfriend built in the back yard, which cost me $10,000. I was broke, and then I lost my job of 13.5 years because of a layoff.Being 49 years old, at the time, it was difficult to find a job. I never really had a "career", just a job. Finding another one was problematic. I went to a temp agency, which is usually a good way for someone in the administrative positions to get into a company, and they placed me in a series of terrible, rodent infested places. None of those jobs led to anything, and then my severance ran out. I finally found a good job, but it wasn't enough. Without rent from the 2nd floor (my brother rented the 3rd floor, and always paid his rent) it was difficult to pay the mortgage and still eat. My ex-boyfriend almost never contributed financially to our home, averaging about $5 per week for the duration of his 4 1/2 year stay. He couldn't hold a job, or really get along with people for any length of time, as he was unstable.I think that his instability was one of the deciding factors. I decided to sell my house. It was a 3 floor tenement with a double lot and 3 bedrooms on each floor. There was a 3 car garage, as well. The house sold fast. I did some research on the internet, and found an old farmhouse in Maine with a huge barn and a shop on the property. It seemed ideal, and asked my brother to join me in the move.So, I sold my house (for almost 3 times what I had purchased it for 6 years prior), quit my job, and moved my brother and I 245 miles away. I wanted to get away from Providence, my ex, my daughter, who had drained me emotionallly and financially, and really needed to start taking care of herself, and my mother, who, though perfectly capable of taking care of herself, wants someone to do it for her and became very demanding.I was delayed on the sale for a month, but the notification of the delay came after the trucks were loaded with everything I and my brother owned, so instead of spending 1 night at my mother's house, we had to spend a month there. It was traumatizing. I arrived in Maine at the end of January last year, and we spent a very mild winter getting settled in. I was able to pay off all my debts, including the car loan, and put 2/3 down on the house, so the new mortgage is very small. Splitting a small mortgage (and other expenses) with my brother makes it easier for both of us.Then, that summer, my daughter asked me to adopt my grandaughter, and my whole life changed. I adopted the 8 year old, the 9 year old was adopted by his foster family, and the 6 year old was sent to live with her father in Colorado, and I doubt that I will ever see her again.The focus of my life became my grandaughter. My home was invaded by social workers, and the trips to RI were bi weekly.  I discovered, through this process, that even though Rhode Island social workers had never investigated me, they had in their files that I was an alcoholic.I am not an alcoholic, and this is not denial talking. I was stunned at the acusation, because anyone who actually knows me would never say that about me. I hardly drink at all. I don't use drugs, either. I don't even use prescription drugs anymore, because I have had too many difficulties with them. I avoid them whenever possible.I had almost no time to work on the little store I thought that I had wanted, so my deadline for getting the store open kept sliding back further and further. Originally, I had planned to open the store by the end of June, but it didn't open at all until March. I had more visits in the first 3 months after opening from the tax assessor than I had customers.My grandaughter was handed over to me a few days before Christmas.Weeks went by with no customers. Sitting there, by myself, with an open flag out and trying to find something to do all day with no one to talk to and nothing to do added to the stressed-out depression I had been feeling, and then summer came, and my grandaughter was out of school for 2 1/2 months.My grandaughter has behavioral issues. Her therapist has diagnosed her with "Reactive Attachment Disorder", which is quite serious. I am working with the therapist, school counselor, and the teachers and principal, in order to develop a working plan of action to help her through this. It is difficult to concentrate on anything else.Meanwhile, I cannot find a job, because there are so few jobs around and so many applicants. I am alone, except for my brother and grandaughter. I think that I have a better chance of being hit by a bus than finding either a job or a man.I spend a great deal of time alone, and while I am alone I think. About the past, future, and how hard it has been to recover from the different traumas I have sufferred. And it breaks my heart each time I see my grandson, who now has a different name and hasn't even seen his mother in almost a year. It breaks my heart that my other grandaughter is lost to me.Rhode Island doesn't consider grandparents important in the lives of the children they take. They hide behind "privacy" regulations to keep information from grandparents. My 4th grandchild, who is now 2 years old, has been returned to his mother. She has just had another baby on November 6th. She has a good relationship with her current boyfriend, who has actually asked her to marry him.I cannot bring myself to be happy for them. Not truely happy. I cannot bring myself to try to establish a connection with my 2 youngest grandchildren, after having the older 3 taken away. Even though I have a relationship with the 2 oldest (one lives with me and the other sees me almost every month), the middle child is lost to me.