Ok so like I said in my last journal post yesterday was our very first wedding anniversary and of course I felt like poo.  So we didn't do anything.  My hubby had to work but on his way home he stopped and got me a dozen roses and a card.  Money is tight so we decided that we would only do cards anyway, but I didn't expect roses.  Was a very nice surprise.  Today was the day that I go in and help my daughter and my best friend Barb with her business.  I have fun but it totally wipes me out and on top of it again feeling like poo.  But all I have to say is I can't do certain things and they put me on the computer downloading plans and renaming them.  The business is a construction plan center.  We have a program that contractors get a membership too and we download and put on the site, construction plans for them to bid on.  If we can't download them we have to scan them in this big scanner.  Most plans are 24" x 36" so they are pretty big, bulky and heavy.  On days like this I don't even try and lift and carry them.  But my daughter is young and strong so she gets to do it.  lol   I only work at the  most  two day a week.  That is about all I can handle.  It really sucks because last September I was an Escrow Closer and closed the most loans in one month than I ever have.  I was working 50 hours a week and commuting an hour one way.  But after that month I had to quit because by the end of the month I was in a raging flare, and It's not going away.  I have only had one other that was close to this flare and I was down for 8 months.  This one is more intense, more pain, less sleep, and more headaches.  I'm just praying that it doesn't last as long as the other one did.  I love to go camping and I don't want this crap to run into my summer.  lol  At least this year we have a camper.  Have camped in a tent all my life.  We actually took the camper on vacation last year and I loved it.  Nice to be able to pull over and everything is set up.  All we have to do is plug it in and hook up a hose for the water.  I know this is cheat camping.  lol  We left Seattle on a Saturday afternoon and headed down highway 101 the Pacific Coast highway.  It was wonderful.  Made it all the way through Oregon and into California to the Redwoods.  Camped in some beautiful state parks that were right on the beach.  One morning we woke up to sea lions barking.  We actually spent an extra day because this place was so fantastic.  We got a kick out of my Chihuahua and a blue jay eating out of the same dish.I have been more of a lurker lately.  The mess on the board kind of upset me so I have been avoiding it lately.  Right now I don't have the energy to deal with the awful name calling.  I have one other thing going on that has me scared to death.  I was diagnosed with the HPV virus a year ago.  I have cancer running rampant in the women of my family.  Grandmother, Mother and two sisters have had either Breast Cancer or Cervical/Uterine Cancer or both.  Ihave been getting my paps done evry three months.  I had one on the 28th of January and my doc called me last Wednesday to tell me that I have to go to a different doctor.  My pap is bad enough now that she can't treat me.  I have to go to a Oncologist (sp?) that specializes in womens Cancers.  That way if it is bad enough I can have surgery to have my plumbing removed.  She can't tell me if it's for sure cancer but there is a good chance it is.  And on top of that I have to go in and have an MRI done too, to see if the cyst I have on my heart has grown because she heard some noise in my left lung at my last visit too.  So I am under a lot of stress, trying not to freak out, and trying to make it seem somewhat nonchalant so that my hubby and kids don't freak out too.  My hubby has enough on his plate trying to work enough hours to keep our heads above water.  But it's hard not to just break down at times.  Thursday I woke up crying in so much pain and the stress of it all got to me.  My poor hubby didn't know what to do.  So he started the shower really warm and helped me in and got in with me so he could help me if I needed it.  Then he got my heating pad going and bundled me up in my down blanket and just laid with me talking.  I can't believe that I got this lucky.  I wanted you all to know what was going on and why I don't post as much.  I have been in chat, and Val you helped me more than I think I helped you the night we chatted all night.  lol  So please be patient with me I will be on as much as I can.  I appreciate every single one of you.  Susan