Arse kicking commencing today because yet again i feel like shit. AAAAAAAAAArrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I just want to scream and punch and kick things to make me feel better, christ whats this all about?  Typical that the medical profession cant fathom out the brain when thats whats wrong with most of us. Sometimes i wish that we could make them feel what we feel and then some urgency might be put into helping us out instead of the usual 'oh try this and see if it works' technique. I dont want to keep trying everything thats on the market i want something to fucking work. Is this unreasonable?? probably, but i dont care anymore. I think from now on i am going to put myself first instead of thinking of how i am with other people, if i turn into a complete cow then so be it, i am so tired of everything and o fpeople around me not really knowing what its like. When i bitch about my feelings i then have to go through the guilt that comes after, like 'oh why did i say that they arent as bad as all that' or'i shouldnt be putting all of this onto you' fuck that!!! Had another incident with my boyfriend tonight, god sometimes i know he is stressed but for fuck sake i am going through this anxiety crap and giving up smoking and trying new meds, give me a fucking break.I give people all the time in the world to sort out their issues, but when it comes to me where is the understanding??  I have to find someone to talk to face to face soon or i will go nuts. Writing this helps but i really need a friend.