still feel like shit. my boyfriend has been drinking today so has went to bed already and his only advice was see if someone is on your site.  I know he dosent mean anything bad about it, hes just overly drunk and tired, but it hurt never the less, especially when he didnt even ask how i was.  He must be really fed up of this by now because he doesnt know really what it is like to have constant attacks all the time. On occasion he has  the attack of the guilts but it is NOT  the same.   I am continuing to write in the  journal because  it is the only thing that i am  able to do  because there is noone there to talk to.  It hurts like hell and its scary to have your mind over run with nonsense and mayhem.  I might go back to my dr and see if there are any other help groups available, i prefer one to one though so that might create a problem. I work in the healthcare environment so to appear weak in front of potential customers of our pharmacy dose not appeal to me but maybe i should just swallow my pride and admitt defeat, after all i am no better than anyone else and if others new more of my problems would that matter?I dont know what to do i am so fucked up, if only i could cope.I am sitting here at 00.05am and i dont know what to do with myself