Really a bad day today, about three hours ago i started feeling terrible and now i could cry.  Its hit me like a bus and im not doing too well.  I dont know why today is any different than any other, but i think it has been building up all week.  I was at my cousins today and i dont think she knew what she was doing but she has helped spark this off by telling me that i should visit my mum more and she went on about how my little sister was bullied at school for a while.  Christ i know all of this but i dont want to think about it because it makes me feel really guilty about not being there. I am trying to be a good person but when people point out your failings it doesnt help and only serves to do this to me.  My head is going nine to the dozen, my heart is racing, my stomach is churning and i cant stop shaking.  Its always the fucking way you think you are getting somewhere and then you are back to the start, i cant handle it .  Why cant people keep their fucking opinions to thereselves. God i love my family and i cant handle anything bad happening to them, and when it does i dont want to talk about it or have it pointed out to me cos lets face it i already know!!!!!!!!duh!!!!! fuck heads. I know i am angry and i could really crack up at the moment but i dont want to take it out on my boyfriend because he is being so supportive and caring.  This fucking sucks big time. FUCK LIFE AND FUCK PEOPLES OPINIONSI have to learn not to care but its just not in me. i cant keep going on about it to everyone because i dont want to bore them, they have their own problems. I just want to scream and puch something to make me feel better, but will it work aaaarghhhh.Im trying to concentrate on other things but i cant i seem to have the attention span of a fucking fruit fly when i have an attack, God help me, gran granda please help me i really need you and i really miss you being here, if anything is there help give me strength to fight this, please.