feel really depressed today. that nobody loves me. I know thats crap but thats the way i feel at this moment. I feel this BP has wrapped itself around me so utterly tightly and will not let me go of its grasp on my life. people say all i talk about is the bp and there right. even though its okay right now in the back of my mind is uncertainty. when will i have my next one. i want to be ready so that it doesnt come up and ruin my life again. i worry that i wont find a good new pdoc. i have to change because my meds are covered by state insurance and they dont cover the doc i am presently seeing. Will the new one take care of me? i hope so. Some one has got to step up and take control of this thing. i know that it is a two way street that i need to be one of them. i need to let go of this woe is me attitude. but when your depressed about your current situation you just want to waddle in it. i try to make myself feel better by giving out attention but nobody seems to want it from me nor need it and it hurts.ok ok just writing about depression makes me more depreesed so im going to stop find something todo thats whismical that will keep my mind of off this shit. i know that today is yucky cuz im not working and that makes me feel unworthy. makes me feel the pain Why dont i have the normal life? husband, kids. Am i THAT ugly so that no man wants me. i know that too is shit because i am beautiful and that my time is coming. So, why do i say these nasty things to myself? somody give me a kick in the ass so i stop writing shit like this. happy day! happy day! hope it is one.
Replies
Awe! Sounds like you\'ve got a terrible case of depression today. I know you feel bad about yourself at the moment but it will soon pass. Do something good for yourself. Indulge. Order in take out, take a bubble bath, enjoy the cooler weather today. Do something that will put you in the Fall spirit, go to Michaels and look at all of their holiday decorations. You can do it, you can smile today :)
*kickin\' yer ass girlfriend*
I feel bad when I talk to hubby about BP a lot. So, I try to talk about it elsewhere (like here). I don\'t tell many people I have BP for fear that they will not get enough info about it and/or just not understand.
YOU ARE WORTHY! Of happiness, feeling good about yourself, and having good days. Oh hell, we all are! I just don\'t know when I am or not! Oh bother, as Pooh Bear says! At least we aren\'t alone. We can have a group pity party...coffee or tea my dear? :) Much love to you! Hope you can find one thing today that will make you happy - I\'ll work on my one thing too!
Oops sorry, but you said to kick you in your ass. I have a pitty party almost everyday for a few hours. Then it\'s back to being a mom, person or whatever you do when your not having a pitty party. Pitty party at my house next week everybody! :)