You know, I started this process by thinking I was doing the right thing for me and the kids.  It has been almost one year since I walked out on my marraige.  Through the past year, I have had the worst experiences of my life.  The emotional roller coaster ride was horrible.  The ups and downs of not knowing what was going to happen to me and him made me feel rotten.  Some days were good, and some not so good.   I left him for alot of reasons.   Mainly financial.  He could not provide for me and the kids, and I was getting tired of the lies.  I was also tired of the way he talked to me.  He wasnt very nice.  He has told me on more than one occasion we had a good life.  It wasnt perfect, but it was good, and the finances were not a divorcable offense.   He has made me feel guilty and has made him the victim.  He knows he screwed up the money, but he wont say anything else about the way I felt about how he treated me.  He makes it seem it was all in my head.  I didnt have it so bad, is really all he could say.  The fact to me is this...if I felt that way about him and the way he talked to me, doesnt that mean something?  If I think he is not treating me right, shouldnt he have done something to improve it instead of saying it was in my head and that I was wrong?  For a time, I thought I wanted him back.  Well, I wanted to work on things to see where they could have gone.  Im not saying we would have, but could have had  a life together.  He didnt want to try.   My marraige was important to me and I didnt just leave for nothing.  I had reasons, strong ones and I took them very seriously.  I didnt think he was doing his part to try to make things better.  This wasnt just a spur of the moment decision I made.  I had thought about this long and hard.  And for a long time.  I had dreams of what it would be like to not live with him any more.  Years ago I had these thoughts.   I finally did it.  I had the courage to do what I have been wanting to do for a long time.  Throughout this past year, he has made me feel awful.  I think he has always made me feel this way.  But now, its different.  He makes me feel as if this is all my fault.  In fact, he has said that to me, that its my fault.  Im the one who left, so I have no one to blame but myself.  He has actually said that to me.  In those words.   Well, after almost one year, I have to say, I am not going to listen to him any more.  He is full of shit, and I dont care one way or another about him.  I am no longer angry, it takes up too much of my time and energy.   He is not worth it.  I know I am much better off without him in my life.  I know my kids are much better off without him in their lives.   They do need their dad, but, to me, not on a daily basis.  He is too irrisponsible and not a good role model.  I realize he will never change.  He will always be in the same predicament that he is in right now.  He will never catch up with his responsabilities.  He would have to win the lottery or something.   His girlfriend can have him and his problems.  She thinks she can change him and that love is more important.  You know, the vows, for richer or poorer?  I didnt see it that way when it started to affect the kids.  So, she can try, but within time, she will see what he is really all about.  Maybe his loan shark will get to him before anybody else he owes money to.  I feel for the guy.  He has gotten in so deep. Well, I know I did the right thing, and really am starting to feel pretty good about it.  I have the kids, and am taking care of them to the best of my ability.  Without him!  That is the best part!  I am doing this without him and his help!  His money!  I knew he couldnt do this, and it will  just keep getting harder and harder for him, because he will be getting in deeper and deeper.  I hope one day my kids will know the truth.  In fact I know they will, because I will tell them when they are old enough.  Maybe they will see for themselves what he really is about.  He cant go on like this forever.  Some one or something will catch up to him, and I can honestly say I am glad I am not there for him to bring me and the kids down with him any more.