WELL AGAIN IT'S BEEN AWHILE........ I HAD EXPLORITORY BACK SURGERY FRIDAY..... GOT HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL SUNDAY....... I AM HAVING SOME PRETTY GOOD PAINS.... BED REST FOR 2-3 WEEKS DEPENDING ON HOW I AM FEELING..... BUT I FEEL LIKE SHIT PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY.... MY DOCTOR WHEN I SEEN HIM (BEFORE I WAS RUSHED TO THE ER THURSDAY NIGHT/FRIDAY MORNING) BASICALLY TOLD ME THAT I AM DYING VERY SLOWLY..... I JUST WANT TO KILL MYSELF JUST SO THAT I DON'T HAVE TO DIE THE SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH..... BUT HE DID NOT SAY ANYTHING FURTHER ABOUT IT..... HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO ME ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON OR ANYTHING....
BUT BACK TO MY BACK SURGERY........ I WAS TRYING TO GO DOWNSTAIRS TO GET SOMETHING TO DRINK.... I DON'T KNOW HOW I DONE IT OR ANYTHING BUT I FELL DOWN ALL 13 STEPS.... LOST FEELING FROM MY LOWER BACK DOWN TO MY TOES ON BOTH LEGS..... SO OF COURSE MY MOTHER CALLED 911.... THEY RUSHED ME TO THE ER HERE AND THE DOCTOR DONE THE CHECKUP AND EVERYTHING AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW MY AUNT COMES IN THE ROOM I WAS IN AND SAYS THAT THEY WERE LIFEFLIGHTING ME TO ANOTHER HOSPITAL.... WITH HER BEING A NURSE AND ALL SHE WENT WITH ME (BECAUSE SHE KNOWS HOW I AM IN THE AIR & BECAUSE THE DOCTOR TOLD HER TO GO WITH ME BECAUSE IT WAS FAMILY AND I WAS ALREADY FREAKING OUT)..... AFTER ARRIVING TO THE HOSPITAL THEY TOOK ME TO 3RD FLOOR AND STRAIGHT INTO SURGERY (THE SPECIALIST WAS ALREADY THERE WAITING)...... IT WAS EXPLORITORY SURGERY TO SEE WHAT ALL WAS GOING ON WITH MY BACK..... TO SEE IF PHYSICAL THERAPY WILL HELP OR IF THEY NEEDED TO DO SURGERY OR NOT TO FIX THE WHOLE PROBLEM..... THE DOCTOR TOLD MY AUNT THAT I HAVE 4 RUPTURED DISCS IN MY BACK....... AND THAT THEY ARE GOING TO PUT ME THROUGH 12 WEEKS OF PHYSICAL THERAPY.... I HAVE TO DO 2 WEEKS FIRST AND THEN GO BACK TO THE DOCTOR THAT DONE MY SURGERY TO SEE IF PHYSICAL THERAPY IS DOING ANYTHING FOR ME OR NOT... IF NOT THEN IT'S BACK TO THE OPERATING TABLE FOR JENN...... IT IS NO FAIR AT ALL.... IT IS A SHAME THAT A 20 YEAR OLD HAS TO GO THROUGH ALL OF THIS SHIT..... FOR CHRIST SAKES I HAVE LOOKED DEATH RIGHT SQUARE IN THE EYES 4 FUCKING TIMES AND NOW I AM DOING IT ALL OVER AGAIN.....
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING FOR THIS..... YEAH I HAVE PROBLEMS AND ALL BUT I DO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF...... I HONESTLY DO..... WHY ME...... WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?????????????
BUT BACK TO MY BACK SURGERY........ I WAS TRYING TO GO DOWNSTAIRS TO GET SOMETHING TO DRINK.... I DON'T KNOW HOW I DONE IT OR ANYTHING BUT I FELL DOWN ALL 13 STEPS.... LOST FEELING FROM MY LOWER BACK DOWN TO MY TOES ON BOTH LEGS..... SO OF COURSE MY MOTHER CALLED 911.... THEY RUSHED ME TO THE ER HERE AND THE DOCTOR DONE THE CHECKUP AND EVERYTHING AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW MY AUNT COMES IN THE ROOM I WAS IN AND SAYS THAT THEY WERE LIFEFLIGHTING ME TO ANOTHER HOSPITAL.... WITH HER BEING A NURSE AND ALL SHE WENT WITH ME (BECAUSE SHE KNOWS HOW I AM IN THE AIR & BECAUSE THE DOCTOR TOLD HER TO GO WITH ME BECAUSE IT WAS FAMILY AND I WAS ALREADY FREAKING OUT)..... AFTER ARRIVING TO THE HOSPITAL THEY TOOK ME TO 3RD FLOOR AND STRAIGHT INTO SURGERY (THE SPECIALIST WAS ALREADY THERE WAITING)...... IT WAS EXPLORITORY SURGERY TO SEE WHAT ALL WAS GOING ON WITH MY BACK..... TO SEE IF PHYSICAL THERAPY WILL HELP OR IF THEY NEEDED TO DO SURGERY OR NOT TO FIX THE WHOLE PROBLEM..... THE DOCTOR TOLD MY AUNT THAT I HAVE 4 RUPTURED DISCS IN MY BACK....... AND THAT THEY ARE GOING TO PUT ME THROUGH 12 WEEKS OF PHYSICAL THERAPY.... I HAVE TO DO 2 WEEKS FIRST AND THEN GO BACK TO THE DOCTOR THAT DONE MY SURGERY TO SEE IF PHYSICAL THERAPY IS DOING ANYTHING FOR ME OR NOT... IF NOT THEN IT'S BACK TO THE OPERATING TABLE FOR JENN...... IT IS NO FAIR AT ALL.... IT IS A SHAME THAT A 20 YEAR OLD HAS TO GO THROUGH ALL OF THIS SHIT..... FOR CHRIST SAKES I HAVE LOOKED DEATH RIGHT SQUARE IN THE EYES 4 FUCKING TIMES AND NOW I AM DOING IT ALL OVER AGAIN.....
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING FOR THIS..... YEAH I HAVE PROBLEMS AND ALL BUT I DO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF...... I HONESTLY DO..... WHY ME...... WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?????????????
Replies
YOU DO NOT DESERVE ANY OF IT......
You are in such a very distressful situation.
And we will be here for you and praying for you if you want, all the way.