ANYMORE ALL I WANT TO DO IS GIVE UP ON LIFE, EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE AROUND ME. I TOOK SOME TESTS FOR DEPRESSION AND THEY ALL TURNED OUT THAT I HAVE SEVERE DEPRESSION. I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE. YEAH I AM HAPPY WITH MY FIANCE BUT THAT IS IT. I JUST FEEL THAT I AM LIVING FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS. IT'S WIERD AND ALL BUT TRUE. I WANT TO GIVE UP SO BAD WITH EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE (LIKE I SAID ABOVE) BUT THEN AGAIN I DON'T WANT TO. I TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE IN JANUARY. I TOOK A BUNCH OF PILLS AND MY AUNT (WHO IS A NURSE THAT TOOK CARE OF ME WHEN I WAS IN THE ER) SAID THAT I FLAT LINED TWICE BUT CAME RIGHT BACK TO. I WAS IN THE ICU FOR 6 DAYS. THEY HAD ME ON LIFE SUPPORT. MY DOCTOR AT THE TIME TOLD MY MOTHER AND FAMILY THAT THEY NEED TO MAKE WHAT THEY CAN OF COMING UP TO SEE ME BECAUSE I WAS NOT GOING TO LAST MUCH LONGER. BUT ON DAY 4 IN THE ICU I STARTED WAKING UP. MY BEST FRIEND WAS THERE WITH ME AND WHEN SHE SEEN THAT I WAS WAKING UP THE FIRST THING THAT CAME OUT OF HER MOUTH WAS " ARE YOU FU**ING STUPID?" A LITTLE BIT LATER (A FEW HOURS) SHE NOTICED THAT I WAS CRYING. SHE WENT AND GOT THE NURSE AND THEY TOOK ME OFF LIFE SUPPORT AND MY FRIEND ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG. SHE SAID THAT THE FIRST THING TO COME OUT OF MY MOUTH WAS "WHERE IS MARIAH?" (MY FRIENDS UNBORN CHILD AT THE TIME) SHE TOLD ME "MARIAH IS STILL IN MY STOMACHE" I STARTED CRYING EVEN HARDER AND I SAT UP ON THE BED AND REACHED OUT TO HER AND SAID "I LOVE YOU AND MARIAH TO DEATH AND I PROMISE YOU I WILL NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THIS TO EITHER OF YOU AGAIN." MARIAH IS NOW 7 MONTHS OLD. I TELL HER AND HER MOM EVERYDAY THAT I SEE THEM " MARIAH SAVED MY LIFE AND SHE WASN'T EVEN BORN YET." MY DOCTOR SAID TO ME THAT SHE WAS VERY SURPRISED THAT I WAS ALIVE BECAUSE I TOOK SO MANY PILLS THAT IF SOMEONE ELSE WOULD HAVE TAKEN THEY WOULD MORE THAN LIKELY BE DEAD. AND I REMEMBER HER ASKING ME WORD FOR WORD "WHAT OR WHO WERE YOU HOLDING ON FOR?" I TOLD HER STRAIGHT OUT "DO YOU SEE THAT GIRL RIGHT THERE?" SHE SAID "YES". I TOLD HER "THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE INSIDE OF HER THAT I REALLY WANT TO SEE ON THE DAY THAT SHE IS BORN. YEAH SHE IS MY BEST FRIEND AND ALL BUT THAT BABY IN THERE IS MY NIECE. I WAS HOLDING ON FOR HER AND THE BABY." AND YEAH SUICIDE HAS CROSSED MY MIND QUITE A FEW TIMES BUT I REMEMBER THAT PROMISE THAT I MADE TO MY FRIEND. AND I HAVE NEVER EVEN ATTEMPTED TO DO ANYTHING AGAIN.
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whoa. well im so glad you have a focus for living.