WHY

         Well, here I am once again, so depressed that I don't even feel like breathing. I am so tired of nothing ever changing. It starts to get good and then bam, it all goes right back down the tubes. I went to the grocery today and all I wanted to do is cry.    I am thankful that my husband helps with the house and chores but it hurts because he has no clue what I go through mentally. I have tried to explain but it goes right over his head. I feel so lonely sometimes. It still a fresh wound that this crap took my job that I loved. I feel like I have no purpose anymore.    I am a christian so I do know that God loves me and I know the things I need to do but I can't overcome this sometimes. I just feel ike giving up on everything and I think that my family would be better if I wasn't here blowing up oneday and being myself the next. Like Dr.Heckyl and Mr.Hide is what I feel like so many times.      I know what I need to do in my mind but I jsut can't seem to function on most days. I hate acting like everything is fine when we go to church or out to eat. I don't even know who the real me is. I have been sick and depressed for so long. I have no clue. Gret rain for the next couple of days,  that doesnot help neither does it getting dark sooner. I have that light deprivation disorder.      I hve overcome a less than happy childhood, cancer atb 26, losing my dad when he was 53. I know I am strong and I know I will get through this I am just tired of doing it alone!!!