IT'S BEEN A TOUGH WEEK FOR ME.AS SOME OF YOU KNOW,WEDNESDAY I WENT FOR ANOTHER SCAN, HOPEFULLY THIS TIME THEY WON'T LOOSE IT, AND ON THE 28TH THEY WILL HAVE BOTH TO COMPARE AND SEE IF THE NODULE ON MY RIGHT LUNG HAS GROWN, AND FOR THE FIRST TIME THE LUNG SPECIALIST WILL HAVE A LOOK AT THI9 NODULE. I HAVE ALREADY BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH COPD, EMPHYSEMA, SO ALL I NEED IS FOR THIS NODULE TO BE LOOKING MALIGNANT. I AM FINALLY GONNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS WHOLE SITUATION NEXT WEDNESDAY. SO I'M HOPING FOR THE BEST.COMING BACK FROM OUR TRIP TO OTTAWA, I SPENT THE WHOLE TIME COMING BACK HOME ON MY CELL, I CALLED JUST ABOUT EVERYBODY I KNEW, JUST FOR FUN, I SEEM TO ALWAYS DO THAT WHEN I'M IN FOR A LONG CAR RIDE.ONE OF PHONE CALL WAS TO MY MOTHER, TO LET HER KNOW WE WERE ON OUR WAY BACK, MY FATHER, ALONG WITH RICHARD WERE WITH ME, I WAS SITTING IN THE BACK SEAT. MY MOTHER TOLD ME SOME BAD NEWS, ABOUT ONE OF MY COLLEGE IN SCHOOL WHERE WE GREW UP HAD DIED. I KNEW SHE WAS VERY SICK, AND ANOTHER FRIEND OF MINE THE OTHER DAY , TOLD ME; YOU SHOULD GO AND SEE HER, SHE'S FINISH AND WILL DIE SOON.I DIDN'T GO....YOLANDE, THIS IS HER NAME, SHE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH COPD, EMPHYSEMA, AND EVENTUALLY LUNG CANCER 5 YEARS AGO, SHE WAS LIVING DOWN OUR CONCCESION BY THEN. BUT SHE WENT ON REMISSION, AND EVEN WENT BACK TO WORK AT THE HOSPITAL, WHERE SHE WORKED FOR YEARS, AND EARLIER THIS YEAR, I SAW HER AT THE BANK AND SHE HAD GAIN WEIGHT AGAIN, AND LOOKED SO MUCH HEALTHIER.THEN IT CAME BACK WITH A VENGENCE, AND KILLED HER.16/05/57SO HAVING ALL KINDS OF APPOINTMENTS THIS WEEK, I JUST HAD TO GO TO THE FUNERAL. MY FATHER CALLED ME TO KNOW WHEN I WAS GOING , SO WAS MY OTHER SISTER, SO YESTERDAY WE WENT TO THE WAKE. OMG, I WENT IN SHE WAS SOO BEAUTIFUL, ALL DRESSED UP IN PINK, EVEN HER FINGER NAILS.I WAS FINE, KNELED DOWN BESIDE THE COFFIN, MADE A PRAYER AND ASK THIS LONG TIME FRIEND IF SHE WOULD GIVE ME THE STRENGHT TO COMPLETELY QUIT SMOKING, AND THEN GOT UP TO MEET WITH HER FAMILY.I WAS FINE, SO FAR.....THE FIRST IN LINE WAS HER OLDER SON, MARK, MY SON 'S BEST FRIEND AT ONE POINT IN LIFE, AND STILL HIS FRIEND. THE POOR KID, HE WAS SOO SOO SAD, THEN HER DAUGHTER WITH HER TWO LITTLE KIDS, THEN THE OLDER SISTER, FRANCINE, SHE WAS MY OLDEST SISTER'S AGE, AND WAS IN HER CLASS AT SCHOOL IN OUR EARLIER YEARS. THEN HELENE, THE ONE THAT WAS EXACTLY MY AGE, YOU SEE THEY WERE 5 GIRLS AND 1 BOYS IN THEIR FAMILY. SO WHEN I STARTED TO TALK WITH HELEN, I BRIEFLY MENTIONNED THAT I HAD COPD, EMPHYSEMA, AND SHE JUST GRABBED ME AND HUG ME VERY, VERY HARD, AND TOLD ME GOOD LUCK.OMG, I THEN LOST MY BREATH, AND WENT INTO A PANIC ATTACK MODE, AND WHEN THIS HAPPENS, I COMPLETELY LOSE MY BREATH AND UNTIL I CAN BREATHED THRU MY NOSE, I SIMPLY CHOKE AWAY, SO TRYING NOT TO BE NOTICE TO MUCH, I SIMPLY TOOK THE FIRST OPEN AREA SO I COULD LEAVE AND GO OUTSIDE AS FAST AS I COULD TO GET SOME COLD FRESH AIR, AND BE ALONE SO I COULD GET OVER THE TREMENDOUS PAIN AND TEARS I WAS HOLDING BACK.SOON I FELT BETTER, THANK GOD.THE LAST TIME I WENT TO A FUNERAL EARLIER THIS YEAR, FOR MY COUSIN WHO WAS YOUNGER THAN I, WHO HAD BEEN BATTLING CANCER ALSO, I HAD THE SAME TYPE OF PANIC ATTACK.I THINK MY DAYS OF GOING TO A FUNERAL OR WAKE, IS LONG OVER. I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE.  I NEVER COULD UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE SAY, I CAN'T GO TO A FUNERAL, I JUST CAN'T, NOW I KNOW WHY, IF THEY GET THIS FEELING THAT I HAVE BEEN EXPERIENCING IN THE PAST 2 FUNERALS, THEN I GET IT.IT'S SOO SAD ALL THE ILLNESSES IN LIFE, IF ONLY WE KNEW  HOW THE HUMAN BODY IS, TOUGH YET FRAGILE.YOLANDE WAS A PERSON WHO LOVED TO DRINK ALCOHOL AND SMOKE CIGARETTES, AND SHE DID BOTH TILL THE END. WHICH IS PROBABLY WHY THE CANCER RETURNED IN HER BODY.SO MY DEAR FRIENDS, THIS IS WHY I WAS MIA PART OF THIS WEEK. IT HAS BEEN A VERY PRODUCTIVE WEEK, BUT ALSO A VERY SAD WEEK FOR ME.  LAST NIGHT I KEPTED CRYING EVERY 2 MINUTES, I SHOULD HAVE CAME ONLINE AND SEE YOU, BUT I HAD TO PROCESS THIS WHOLE MATTER BY MYSELF.ON A BETTER NOTE, SOME OF YOU KNOW THAT MY BROTHERS USED TO PLAY IN A BAND, AND WENT EVERYWHERE THRU AN AGENCY, AND WERE QUITE POPULAR IN THOSE DAYS, UNTIL A FIRE BURNT ALL THEIR EQUIPMENTS, AND DRUG AND ALCOHOL GOT IN THE WAY, THEY EACH TOOK A DIFFERENT PATH IN LIFE.WELL TONIGHT MY 2 BROTHERS, AND MY 2 NEPHEWS ALONG WITH 2 OTHER BAND MEMBERS, ARE DOING A TRIBUTE TONIGHT, AND MY GOOD  CHILDHOOD GIRLFRIEND CALLED ME TO SEE IF I WAS GOING. I WASN'T GOING TO GO, BECAUSE IT'S BEEN YEARS THAT I NO LONGER GO TO BARS, BUT SINCE SHE CALLED AND ASKED FOR US TO JOIN HER AND HER HUSBAND, WE DECIDED TO GO.I WILL LET YOU KNOW TOMORROW, HOW THAT WENT.UNTIL THEN, MAY YOU ALL HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND.MCKONE DAY AT THE TIME