"It's been over 2 weeks since I spent the day with LB. Its starting to get easier to get thru the days without having revolving thoughts of him. Feeling sorry for myself because I just can't get it right. I always fall for the broken ones, the ones I swear I will be "the One" that finally breaks them free from all their sadness . the one to repair their tragically fractured ego. I'm just certain they need only me. Insanity, that's what that is, lol but is it crazy if I know this yet I choose to just let my heart lead me round usually? Well I don't know if its progress for me but with him I'm at least trying to talk my heart out of it, I tend to analyze everything he even says that but I cant be any other way. I guess its my defense mechanism to think it into a scientific thing rather than an emotion. Safer that way. 
 I'm not going to say I'm in love with him, I don't think I even know what love is and if my last relationship is any indication of what it is, count me out, please. But I'm more connected to him than other guys that I've spent any amount of time with. He's on my wave length, he gets my sense of humor and tells me how adorable my crazy is. I accept myself when he's around and I doubt myself when I have to decide if my crazy is cute or even acceptable. I have some eccentric quirks like I listen to the type of music that the majority of society doesn't like. the list goes on for a mile but I won't put my shit out there.
what I guess im getting at is that I miss him but its not as bad today. I fell like I really go thru a physical and mental withdrawal for a week or so after I spend time with him. the first few days is so hard to stop thinking about him, I just want more of him, I'm plotting on ways to get back to see him, I'm coming up with money for gas to go down there... its bad. I listen to the same songs over and over that make me think of him, like rubbing salt in my wounds. There's something about the little bit of suffering that I enjoy. I like just a touch of morose flare in my life. The artist in me needs it to feed off of, to feel something deeper than the mundane everyday life is. I find it comforting and familiar. I don't seem to have any control over my own thoughts. then after I go thru this grieving period I start hearing the world slowly fade in, like I've been in a tunnel only vaguely recognizing that something outside of my thoughts of him existed. I don't have that far away look in my eyes s I'm trying to figure things out about this situationship of ours.
Anyway ...
he told me he misses me... and it felt good.