wow its really been a long time ....I don't know which is harder dealing with the death of my daughter or dealing with the lives left behind ????? It has been a long road Im hoping I see a glimmer of light soon Theresa is seeing a specialist, a trauma/grief counselor, I am so hoping she will help her , She has been battling depression and everything is just hard, worries about getting into college feels she is too fat and she has become obsessed with it sometimes I just want to walk away not that I don't care cause I do! but it is extremely hard to constantly deal with this .. I try and do everything for my kids but that just isn't enough I don't think it will ever be.. I just hope things change sooner or later hopefully sooner.. I worry constantly about Theresa never know how each day will be will she be in an ok mood or depressed and crying, sometimes I just don't know what to say to her to make her feel better cause she seems ok one day than BAM everything is bad again...I get so stressed out myself.. I cant wait till she graduates HS but than what if she doesn't get in where she wants to go than what total depression?? I still wonder why this had to happen of all my kids Ashley was the most mature and most cautious how could this happen to her I hate cars!! Our family is still so lost it has been a nightmare and knowing what could have been still rips at my heart and soul even for her sisters Theresa wouldn't have been dealing with this I know she could have been so awesome in her sports and school but this depression has basically taken over , it sucks it really does...
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Your first sentence is very powerful about the lives left behind... I\'m so hopeful that Theresa is feeling better and being a teenager and navigating HS is hard enough much less the added heartache and heartbreak of losing her sister. Deepest of sighs...
You are not alone in your worry over your surviving children and you have your own grief path as well. It\'s a lot to handle and I hope that those glimmers of light are there for each of you as they are sorely needed.
Heartfelt care from me to you today. You are doing your best and keeping the lines of communication open with those teens is what I remember was vital and not always easy when mine were that age.
Please check back in when you are able and know that you have sisters of the heart here who care.
Understanding (((hugs)))
XO Joanie
THANKS ! I try to remember that they are teens and there are a lot of emotions but boy sometimes it can be so over whelming !! Theresa is a good kid , they all are and I wonder how they would have been without having to deal with parents who have been in hell and their own grief..Wonder what Ashley would and should have been!
HUGS
Kim
Ashleysmom
Oh Kim, I missed this journal before....I was on vacation that week and missed a lot. I\'m sorry.
I\'m sorry for the struggles and anxieties Theresa, and you, are dealing with. Life can be SO hard sometimes!!! And SOOOO unfair!
I have no advice, just lots of love and wishes and hopes and prayers. I couldn\'t help Kala when she needed it most.....she thought she was too fat, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not good enough....high school and life was HELL....until her breaking point on 4/15/2005. I pray Theresa finds her help before her breaking point. Depression is a serious thing, a scary thing, and something that can leave us moms feeling so helpless. Even after going through it with Kala, I still cannot offer any concrete, helpful advice. Just communicate as best and as often as you can your unconditional love....as I know you do....and watch for signs of self harm....stay aware as you can....but NEVER blame yourself....no matter what!!!
My love and prayers for Theresa!
My love and prayers for you!