Another Day

OK here again ... have so much to say but to who Im not sure... I see many people getting on with their lives why cant I seem to really get past this ..maybe Im making myself fail IDK things sometimes are just so mixed up...I havent been to see Ashley in such a long time , I had to be there everyday at one point know I dont go why?? I dont know hard I guess?? I think a lot of my problem is I just dont really believe in a so called God.. not sure what I believe I dont believe in prayer it didnt help me.. and miracles nope .. so then what is there to believe? I believe Im in this thing called life and some are lucky and some are not .. so If I want to ever get along ?? than what do I need to do ?? not sure I keep trying to push forward and "find" my way.. I try to help my living "girls" push forward but always so many barriers  but some progress , Theresa and Lauren went to grief camp 2 wks ago , they loved it, Theresa came up for the memorial they held at the end, when I heard her name being called really caught me off guard, she came up and she sanga song for her sister that she wrote , It was Beautiful I had forgotten what a beautiful voice she has .. I really was surprised... wish they had a parents grief camp ... oh well all I can do is keep hopeing my girls can succeed .. Kate in college.. Theresa a freshman in HS made the varsity softball team but now has a injured back and wants nothing less than to become a vet , and Lauren , who looks so much Ashley , but of course such different personality, hope she remembers her sister and who she really was...is this too much to want? thats what keeps me going  I want to see them acheive their dreams and keep their sister alive in their hearts... thats all.........