Life goes on

Gosh its been awhile again , wish I could keep myself focused .. but that has been continually hard lately... life seems to keep giving me punches I WANT to punch it back !!! I am so sick of liviing in the shadows of pain , Im sick of seeing my family suffer in one way or another, boy no one ever told me you could hurt so much by loving your child so much , its been over 4 yrs feels like yesterday, a lot of people feel now its just a crutch life has to go on but that is so EASY to say , wish it was them in my shoes .. it STILL is so hard, how do you tell your heart to stop hurting when something , someone you loved more than life itself is suddenly gone from you forever.. HOW please tell me so I can go on with my life happy and enjoy it >>> Do they think I actually like to feel this way... guess they just cant understand cause unless you have lost your child to death , you dont understand... and then to have the rest of my family seem to be falling apart around me and watching and feeling like your helpless.. They must go this journey alone ....so incredibly hard....well another day in my life of this long haul .....
I try to keep myself thinking
I know Ashley wouldnt want her parents to be so incredibly sad all the time she would want them to go on and have joy in their life again but ALWAYS remember her, which is so easy to do ...she would want her lil sisters to overcome and the sadness and make her proud, I KNOW thats what she would want  than why is it so hard :(
Love you Ash !!