Where to begin? have been wanting to write but never seem to have the time or energy..last week I had a little talk with my priest feel intimidated sometimes by him, but anyway I went because we are looking for a new mtg place for the CF group, I went to ask about that ,then he asked me, who are you crying for? I didnt really know how to answer then I said I believe for Ashley, he asked why, why because she had her whole life ahead of her..he said dont cry for her she is in the best place there is that of course as a mom I cry for myself because of course I miss her so much..he said she is up there saying come on mom stop it already..I wasnt sure how to take all of this at least he talked with me and it was the 1st time he offered to...I wish I had that much faith , because that is all I really have, if I dont have that then , there is nothing , Ashley is just dead, so then I have to believe, but it is so darn hard I dont want faith I want her !!! another argument with Kate, she hasnt and doesnt do anything doesnt help with any housework at all , wont even clean her room, I had to tell her to get all 10 plus glasses out of her room, cause I am running out og them!! then she throws them in the sink for me to clean ,mold and all!!! oh I get so mad..then last night had to go to practice with Theresa and Lauren, came home to a mess Kate left food out and of course a sink full of dishes!! and she wants me to get her a cell phone and plan and but of course when she finally actually starts to work will give me her 1st pay, Yea right not falling for that one again, never seems to work that way!!! oh well and all this just seems to put me more into a slump, before Ashley's accident I could keep up with everything, I wouldnt let them get away with this and now I try to dicipline her and she turned around and yelled at me I cant to this, I said do what you dont do anything, I came home she was sitting in frt of the tv which she does everyday and night! cant wait till she actually gets scheduled to work, cause I cant stand coming home and seeing her sit and do nothing but want everything, her 2 sisters help out there is no reason she cant she is 16 and lazy, she is now using Ashley has an excuse I cant be Ashley told her never expected her to be but I do expect you to help , like the rest of the family!!!!!! need to breathe.......
Replies
I am glad you had your talk I hope that it helped you in some way.
Kate sounds like she is really pushing all your buttons. You are smart in not giving into her about the phone. It is so hard when we lose one child and the others try to play us. Stay strong. YOu sound like a very smart mom. Kate needs that right now. Sending you a GREAT BIG HUG and hope that she gets lots of hours and works hard so she understands it is not a cake walk. Then maybe she will get the idea you are not the bad guy asking her to pick up after herself. (I hate moldly dishes, I do not allow my kids to eat or drink in their rooms because of that, icky) Best of luck to you. Tammie mom of boys......
Kim, Our problems with life now without our daughters is different but our pain is so much the same. Faith is hard for me too. Joey needs his mommy more than ever right now and so do I. Love, Dianne
I completely get it when you say you dont\' want faith, you want your daughter. I want my daughter too. People tell me she would want me to be happy, but how can I be happy without her? I guess faith is there for the taking, but we have to reach out for it, and being a mom who lost a child, it is very hard to reach out.
You know why teenagers are so terrible don\'t you? If they stayed as sweet as they were when they were little we could never let them have their independence. But since they\'re so hard to live with we push them toward their independence. There is no understanding them at that age. They don\'t even understand themselves. Try to remember what my dad used to tell me about raising children, \"no matter what they\'re doing, good or bad, remember, this too will pass.\" Sending you loads of love, Cyn
One time I told my kids that they could pick one plate, one glass, and one fork to be theirs\'. It would be their responsibility to keep them clean. If it was dirty they didn\'t eat or drink. They didn\'t like it at first, but soon started keeping the kitchen cleaned without being asked. And you\'re right, the \"I\'ll pay you back...\" never worked in my house either. I know it\'s tough, but hang in there and don\'t give in. Kate needs your strong discipline right now. You\'re doing great! And of course your priest is correct...we do cry for ourselves. Our kids are OK. But our hearts are forever broken and we have to be true to our emotions also. We cry because we hurt. It\'s OK to hurt. It\'s OK to laugh and smile and continue our lives here. Balancing the whole thing is the hard part. Just stay real to your feeling, keep sharing, keep getting it out. I think releasing the sad energy through tears can be very healing. Then we have to accept the positive energy of laughter into our spirits and lives. It\'s a constant cycle of release and receive. I think eventually the positive far out weighs the saddness....I hope so anyway.
Love ya my friend,
Teri