Well not sure how Im feeling, I havent really cried but I feel like im in a daze..just seem to go thru the motions get thru each day, but somehow feel like im hanging, I dread the holidays last yr they started a week after I buried Ashley, so really I dont even remember them, now this yr its all real Its all sinking in and I dont feel like doing anything,I try to say to myself get up you have to move forward but when each day comes and goes I dont feel any different just the same heartache and pain but I just know how to mask it all during the day and then let it all out when Im by myself..I hate this life what kind of life is this ? in so much pain and heartache all the time..sometimes I wish I could just hit my head or something and forget everything but then How could I forget the most precious thing that was to be in my life??? seems like Im damned both ways, why does there see to be so much of this suffering in this world ? I guess if there is such a thing called G-d maybe Im just not getting it cause why wouldnt he protect the most precious things he has here? the ones that would change the lives of so many with all of their compassion and goodness, these where all good people ..I dont get it I guess Im not supposed to...who knows....