why are you doing this to me? it's not fair. if you really loved me you would not be putting me through all of this. i hate you and i hate me for letting myself get in this situation. i am such an idiot. i can't believe this happened to me again. what is wrong with me? you're supposed to learn from your past but i am nothing but a fucking idiot. i even told you once that i feared this and you said it could never happen - but i knew better. eventually it would and i get to do nothing but go through grief again. i can't even get you to sit and talk with me... i am not important enough for that, yet i am not meaningless enough for you to just let me go.