Was speaking to a friend earlier and I mentioned that I was thinking about signing up for one of those TV dating shows, she told me not to because they were so humiliating, to which I replied, I'd do it if it meant I'd know what it is like to hold someones hand for once in my life.  I then had dinner trying not to think about it, but then whilst washing up I just started to cry.  The only thought in my head was am I really this pathetic and desperate that I'd openly humilate myself for this and my answer was yes, I am that lonely and want so much to have someone in my life.Spoke to my friend in Canada (Hi there sweetie I know you'll probably read this) and had a big discussion with her inwhich I over stepped a lot of boundires, breaking every rule I hold as being gentlemanly and feel really guilty about what we discussed, butkind of realived that she understood why I had to say what I did.  Sis is still not speaking to me and with my birthday next Sunday I'm praying that I'll get some form of ackowledgement, because if I don't I know that I've lost the one person I always thought would have been there for me and all because of my stupidity before xmas. Have just started to  get back into training and am going for my first run of the year tomorrow, so will post backa  distance and a time, although it will probably only be 5 miles so nothing to exciting.