Ok I'm not the most open person and quite often shy away from a lot of things but I think its time I put this down and see if it makes me feel any better, so here it is.   Me in my own wordsI am 28 and the son of a wonderful person, my mum, and brother to a sis who has shared the most harrowing of my memories.  My parents did not get on and after 7 years of marriage divorced, I was 6 and my sister was 3 when my dad left.  It hasn't been easy growing up with out him around, as when I was young I was socially outcast from all those I attended school with for the next 5 years as a result of coming from a divorced background. The town I lived in was a very small community where my fathers family owned major businesses, the local supermarket, the electrical store, everyone knew who I was.  At school I became the laughing stock and brunt of all the jokes, I have blocked them out to only remember the pain they caused.  During breaks at school I walked round the grounds with my head sunk by myself avoiding the taunts of those around me, waiting for someone to call my name and possibly invite me to play.  I feared the P.E sessions when it rained as it was always a dance class, where the girls would get to pick their partner and so I'd just skulk in the corner and wait till the teacher pushed the scraps of the guys together and thrust into other groups to try and not make us feel as rejected. So I meandered through those years after my dad left only having the support of my mum who was having to deal with her own problems.There is one event that haunts my darkest dreams, I was 11 and was invited to a girls birthday party to be the brunt of the jokes and was set up to be humiliated by those there, I left after an hour of torment crying and walked around for the remaining 3 hours till I was due to be home by which time I had decided that I needed to change where I was going to senior school and as it was the girls that had set me up for this public onslaught I wanted away from them.  The next day I set about the process for the entrance exam so that I could attend an all boys grammar school, which is the best decision I've ever made in my life, got in with one of the highest tests result for that year. In doing so though, excluded myself further from my community as the school was 14 miles away, and so grew up with no friends and no social interaction with the fairer sex until I started playing hockey but still there amongst adults I was outcast for who I was and my decision to not attend the local school.Through adult life I've chosen working environments that have been in large social sectors, worked as a fitness instructor in a gym and have been bar tending since I left that job then moved into management, but have found working for others a problem as I'm not intellectually challenged enough and have now given that up to start my own businesses.  I have a very creative imagination and can run with an idea and mould it into a business plan, try and play a piece of music and end up writing a completely new piece or looking at a building and taking from it an idea and turning it into a sketch for a clothing design.  At present as I said I am focused on my businesses which keep me mentally stimulated and I'm enjoying this aspect of my life at the moment.It was suggested to me that I may have been Bi-Polar at the start of the year after speaking to a counsellor online but thought nothing of it, until she came back to me and badgered me about going to see someone, at the time I was feeling happy and had just started training at the gym, but then a month or so later I sank into the first of a couple of depressive states this year and at easter this year made an attempt on my own life by means of alcohol and prescription drugs.  I woke up the next morning unaware of what had happened, my mum who I was staying with at the time jokingly said 'that I'd not drink a bottle of whiskey again in a night', but couldn't face telling her what was wrong. So went back to training in the gym but decided to move back in with mum on a more permanent basis as living bymyself was a very lonely experience.The year then carried on as normal with me having the odd day when I'd not feel to special, but I had looked into BPD and had recognised some of the symptoms and tried to follow the guides on how to deal with it.  This was reasonably successful until in September I sank once again into a serious depression and this time tried again to take my life by way of hanging myself.  I had got very close to succeeding when something somebody had told me hit a nerve and I stopped, she told me that suicide is the most selfish thing I could do and to think about everyone else and her, Sophia I will always love you no matter where you are in this world and no matter what you do, for saving my life that night.The bouts of depression this year have come about from me realising that the people I had thought of as friends were infact 'leeches'only wanting me and my wallet around when it was their birthdays, my phone hadn't rang unless it was my mum, sis or work in over 2 years unless it was an invite to travel to them.  Never had any of them picked up the phone or sent me an email to see how I am and none of them had ever come to visit me, it was always me visiting them at my expense. Been single all my life which is hard and have no local friends with whom i can even share any of lifes little pleaures with. Have sank into some pretty horrible depressions over the last year with 2 attempts on my own life, a drug and alcohol induced OD at Easter and then I tried to hang myself in Sept. Am self employed and starting a new business venture which is proving to be a helpful distration but isn't a substitute for social interaction and I have always found dating a problem as a result of my lack of guidance and reclusiveness and it has been 4 years since I have felt as much as an affection touch on my arm, this I have come to live with although I have identified that I wasn't an attractive person, exceptionally overweight and generally not looking aftermyself.  The gym has come about as a result of this and me wanting to improve who I am in appearance and hope to find that in doing so I gain confidence within and learn for the first time like myself.Through a chat room I had found a couple of people whom I have told and they have since become the the core around whom I'm rebuilding my friendships and life, but it is dificult when they live around the globe.I hope that in finding DS I can create new friendships that will lead me to all parts of the world and take me down ever exciting paths to fill my mind with wonderful memories.