Ok its been a couple of days and I know I should be keepingthis upto date a little more, but the last few days I've not felt up to writing much. Its taken pretty much all my strength to just get through each day without ending up in the corner of the room clutching my pillow and crying.  I still feel rotten for what happened.Tonight tried speaking to mum for the first time and she doesn't understand, I know she's scared and really wants to help but can't see me doing much tohelp myself and it must be tearing her apart.  She kept brining up the past and things that have been said and done and the fact that I'm out of work at the moment. I kept trying to explain to  her that at the moment 2-3 days of the week i don't make it through without some sort of break down or going back to sleep at lunch time to try and wake up happy.  She couldn't understand that.  I asked her to come with me to see the doctor next week, she said yes but when I asked her if she'd drop everything for the appointment she told me no, which kind of hurt as she'll drop everything to go and be with my sister if she wants som company or needs help to do something.  However she did say she'd come with me so I suppose I have to accept that and make the appointment to suit her to get her onboard.  I suppose can't have everything my way.  On another note I did last week finish a couple of pieces of music and have uploaded them, I'd love to hear your commentshttp://www.daveclissold.com/music.html I hope you enjoy them as much as I did writing them, that you are all well and having reasons to smile.  Take care all my lovely friends.  Loads of love and snuggly huggles!!!!  D x