I'm in a very dark patch at the moment and struggling to make it through most days. I very nearly gave up on Saturday and had it not been for a friend who called the police in the afternoon, they'd not have gone on a man hunt for me after mum rang them concerned. I very nearly gave up. Now I just feel utterly ashamed for something I did as it was so dispicable and do not feel as though I can call myself a man anymore because of it.I will get better but will always have a constant pain in my heart now. When I am better I hope that this pain will ease but  am on a slow path now and starting meds again, am hoping that they don't knock me for 6 like the last lot did.  At the moment I've not eaten since Friday lunch time, am hungry but have no appetite, I just feel so sick that the thought of eating is making me feel worse.Thank you for all your support and words of kindness without you I realy don't know if I'd be here at the moment or if I'd ahve felt as strong as I did last week, it is that strength that stopped me and answered the phone in my darkest time, when i finally sat down. So indirectly you all saved my life and for that I will always hold you close!