To all my friends I'M SORRY!I'm sorry for making you worry yesterday, I was in hell to put it blunty.   I was talking to a friend yesterday afternonon and she alerted the police to my situation and how I was feeling, but it seemed that it was in vain as an hour or so after they had left satisfied that I was ok, I lashed out at my mum physically and then walked off.  For the next hour not much went through my head but i had this horrible intent to not want to carry on.  My phone had been ringing and I had been ignoring the calls, but I sat down and thought about what I had just bought, 96 paracetamol and a a couple of packets of sleeping tablets and a bottle of horribly cheap cider. I decided to answer my phone and spoke to a police officer who persuaded me to walk back and meet their officers so that they can make sure I'm ok.  I was arrested for assault and later cautioned, as I had admitted to it so had no other option, but that was more them wanting me to be on watch and seek medical help.I saw a doctor and a psychologist, and have been refered back to the crisis and PCAT teams.  There I was thinking that I was doing ok without the meds.  How wrong I was.   TodayI'm calm but scared, scraed of what went through my head to leave me sat in that park with that quantity of drugs, (which by the way the police officers thanked me for as they had ran out of paracetamol and although not meant to take gifts allowed me to gesture it to them as an apology for leading them on a man hunt.The psychologist said that he knows of DS and is pleased to know that I have you all here to talk to when I need to, so thank you all for being here, I feel in a way I don't deserve anything I have  but amg rateful for everything that is in my life and that includes you all!