I started my period today. I tried so hard to convince myself that wouldn't happen this month. It feels like another loss. I'm obsessing over getting pregnant again. I don't know how to stop even though I read that makes it much less likely that I will be successful. I also know it won't change the fact that I can never have Sam nor will it end that pain. I feel very lost and hopeless right now. I'm surrounded by the most wonderful friends and family all telling me they believe it will happen and that I was meant to be a mom... I love them for saying it yet fear it will never be. I think it's time to shift all that effort into finding a job I can truly love instead. At least that might help take my mind off of this unendurable pain.