My day started out on an emotional roller coaster, one I try to stay off of as much as possible because it can be so draining.  For those that know me well, they know I feel deeply and yet I keep a lot of things internalized because I still have to be the mom, wife, business woman.  I woke up to the pain that coursed through my body when I laid my head down and I felt a wall of water well up inside of me and I sobbed.  My husband is the complete opposite of me, it's hard for him to show any emotion and so I'm sure my unexpected outburst was confusing to him.We both are a part of a youth Police Explorer Program and the day was to be spent at the firing range having everyone qualified, including myself.  The last place I wanted to be was around other people, maintaing a facade of well- being and exerting any kind of energy.  I was so tempted to stay in like my husband encouraged me to do.  Yet, I had a responsibility and I knew I was being counted on, so I drug my butt out of bed and gathered my two boys together and off we went.  It was rewarding to be there and see the kids hard work pay off.  I enjoyed releasing my pent up frustration and envisioned a blown up version of a tick at the end of my muzzle.  For a while, pushing my own discomforts to the back of my mind I was able to focus on something else.  The day was long though and by the time we had the kids picked up, the advisors had their meeting and ate it was 4:00.  It was all I could do to crawl in bed when we got home.   Although I don't feel good, I am thankful that I can feel.  That I am alive, that I have a beautiful family and I refuse to give up.  I want to, but I can't.