Fear

We went out to breakfast and I had a giant fun meal:
1/2 medium blueberry pancake w/ syrup
1/2 medium chocolate chip pancake w/ syrup
1/3 egg whites and veggie omelette
home fries w/ ketchup
1 slice raisin toast w/ jelly
 
Dinner at a cookout (was offered pizza, only wanted a bite in favor of salad):
6 chips with fresh corn, bean and tomato dip
two cups salad with spinach, mandarin oranges, walnuts and craisins (no dressing or cheese)
 
Dessert:
brownie
square blueberry coffee cake
bite lemon cake
 
Today was planned to be a splurge day because the past four days have been not eating a ton at all, and I did my power walk today too but I still feel anxiety through the roof. I am going out to eat Wednesday too. I need to remember that eating like this once or twice a week won't make me obese with exercise. I didn't sit and graze through the day and I don't feel like I binged but it's still scary. This is how I want to be eating, alternating a few healthy days with a few junk days (tomorrow is back to another 1500 cal day), but it is still scary.