Tonight is a bad night. It's two in the morning and I just started to cry and I can't stop. Someone was telling me they were there this summer when Amelia was talking about Miguel, and she started crying because apparently she fucking "loves" him so much she MISSED him and just COULDN'T break up with him. So that's why they stayed together and made it work in their perfect little relationship. He gets to hold her hand and she's proud of him and doesn't make him feel like trash she doesn't want anyone to know about. I was trash, and what if I still am trash?
I am so scared and sad and every bad feeling is attacking me right now. I was feeling so much better earlier, I got my tattoo and it was awesome.
Why am I stuck on this? Why can't I pick one of the NINE-yes, NINE- people who have fallen in love with me since I broke up with her? I could have anyone and I'm a fucking idiot and stay stuck on somebody ho doesn't care if I live or die, and would probably prefer the second.
 I'm panicking right now and I can feel it happening but can't stop the manic anxiety.
 
stopstopstop.