Tonight is a bad night. It's two in the morning and I just started to cry and I can't stop. Someone was telling me they were there this summer when Amelia was talking about Miguel, and she started crying because apparently she fucking "loves" him so much she MISSED him and just COULDN'T break up with him. So that's why they stayed together and made it work in their perfect little relationship. He gets to hold her hand and she's proud of him and doesn't make him feel like trash she doesn't want anyone to know about. I was trash, and what if I still am trash?
I am so scared and sad and every bad feeling is attacking me right now. I was feeling so much better earlier, I got my tattoo and it was awesome.
Why am I stuck on this? Why can't I pick one of the NINE-yes, NINE- people who have fallen in love with me since I broke up with her? I could have anyone and I'm a fucking idiot and stay stuck on somebody ho doesn't care if I live or die, and would probably prefer the second.
I'm panicking right now and I can feel it happening but can't stop the manic anxiety.
stopstopstop.
I am so scared and sad and every bad feeling is attacking me right now. I was feeling so much better earlier, I got my tattoo and it was awesome.
Why am I stuck on this? Why can't I pick one of the NINE-yes, NINE- people who have fallen in love with me since I broke up with her? I could have anyone and I'm a fucking idiot and stay stuck on somebody ho doesn't care if I live or die, and would probably prefer the second.
I'm panicking right now and I can feel it happening but can't stop the manic anxiety.
stopstopstop.
Replies
ahhh I know how you feel but it will pass trust me hun, you will feel good again even though right now if probably doesnt feel like you will! hang in there. Sometimes it takes ages to get over exes!!!!! but eventually you will be ready to move on. It just takes time.
(hugs) i\'m sorry things are rough.
I\'ll be looking forward to seeing your tat!!!!!!
Well, recovering from a broken heart is rarely a smooth and even process. It\'s more like a rollercoaster ride. You go through some Hell and finally feel somewhat better. You begin to feel relief that you\'re in a better place when, BAM!!!!!!! All of a sudden, you\'re down as far as you ever were!!!! And it pretty much continues on that way. Up and down. Eventually, you stay on an even keel. But how long it takes to reach that point varies so much, from individual to individual!!! You\'re just going to have to feel how you feel until you\'re done feeling that way.
From what you said before, she didn\'t think that you were trash, although that\'s the way her actions caused you to feel. And her keeping you a secret had nothing at all to do with you, personally. It was a truth about herself that she couldn\'t bear being brought to light.
I don\'t care if 100 people fall in love with you!!!! You would be a fucking idiot if you picked one of them to be with, when you don\'t feel love for them and only have feelings for her!!! Ugh!!! Don\'t ever try to cure your broken heart by trying to replace it with someone else for whom you don\'t have a romantic attraction too!!!!
You don\'t know how smart you are for not doing that!!!! Many people do, when they\'re in your position!!!! And it almost always ends up to be an unpleasant mess with hurt feelings on both sides!!!
It would probably be better for you to have as little information as possible about what\'s going on in her life. If there\'s any way you can limit such knowledge, do it. It only serves to make you more miserable and to keep your feelings for her alive.
Sigh. Manic anxiety. Unless you have a med you can take for it, I don\'t know to tell you. Nothing else ever works for me when I have it.
Take good care!!! I hope the shit feelings stopstopstop!! (((((Hugs)))))
Keeping busy is the best medicine and being at college that should not be a problem! And ditto to everything Carla said.
True love will find you when you least expect it and you have plenty of time!
awh bud do not let your bad feelings get the best of ya! You can make anyone fall inlove with you and right now you feel like yyou want her back, but this will pass. You are a great person, just remember that before you get too down on yourself.