Hmmm what to say...I've kind of been avoiding journaling because I don't want to think.
There're no new major developments. I'm starting to look into colleges...UNH and U Mass, specifically. I thought at first I'd really hate a bigger college, but the state school I go to now is so small, it drives me NUTS. Maybe that's just because I hate this school though. Oh well.
I'm going for a sleepover with a friend who goes to UNH next weekend. I really hope it goes well because it will give me a feel for if I think I'll be able to make a go of it there. I don't think college tours necessarily give you a good enough feel for the place, you need to have a chance to socialize there in order to see if you'll really be happy there.
I don't know. I feel stuck at some point everyday. I know rationally it's pointless because the past is the past, but I miss it and want it back. But all I can do to be happy now is go forward. I'm so scared, I don't know if I can do it away from home. But I really do want to and I hope the visit goes well.
Nothing much else to report. I haven't purged and I think the urges have really started to decrease, which is good. But the urge to cut is still kind of strong. I feel it every now and again and I try to reason with myself and say "This isn't accomplishing anything. It is not helping you get any closer to being the person you want to be." But I still feel that desire to do it, just because I've done it for so long now and it's how I cope.
Idk. Things aren't good but they're stable.
There're no new major developments. I'm starting to look into colleges...UNH and U Mass, specifically. I thought at first I'd really hate a bigger college, but the state school I go to now is so small, it drives me NUTS. Maybe that's just because I hate this school though. Oh well.
I'm going for a sleepover with a friend who goes to UNH next weekend. I really hope it goes well because it will give me a feel for if I think I'll be able to make a go of it there. I don't think college tours necessarily give you a good enough feel for the place, you need to have a chance to socialize there in order to see if you'll really be happy there.
I don't know. I feel stuck at some point everyday. I know rationally it's pointless because the past is the past, but I miss it and want it back. But all I can do to be happy now is go forward. I'm so scared, I don't know if I can do it away from home. But I really do want to and I hope the visit goes well.
Nothing much else to report. I haven't purged and I think the urges have really started to decrease, which is good. But the urge to cut is still kind of strong. I feel it every now and again and I try to reason with myself and say "This isn't accomplishing anything. It is not helping you get any closer to being the person you want to be." But I still feel that desire to do it, just because I've done it for so long now and it's how I cope.
Idk. Things aren't good but they're stable.
Replies
That is all positive news about checking the collage out & not cutting and B&P.
I am so happy for u and your will is stronger. Sorry that your use to hurting your self, it takes ages to brake a habbit and ur doing well.
Sorry that you ended up purging (according to your status line) but that doesn\'t undo how well you\'ve done lately!!!
Good luck with fighting the urge to cut!! Finding healthier ways to cope and focusing on strengthening them is a much better strategy.
I\'m sorry that you don\'t care for the college that you attend. I hope you do well there, in spite of it!!!!
I hope your sleepover goes well and that it gives you some of the information you seek!!!!
Try your best to make the most of your life as it is right now, rather than waste this precious time staying stuck in the past. (((((Hugs)))))
Changing schools may or may not make you happy. At some point you just have to bloom where you are planted!
I am really proud of your attitude. You can make the best of any college if you focus on the good parts and don\'t let the bad ones get to you or hold you back. Getting a brand new start next year could be just what you need.
I know i sent u a message a while back but i never have time to respond...ive been going to grad school full time AND going to IOP five days a week so i have no time....just keep looking forward toward your goals and dont let anything get in your way!!! Itsa tough road....but just think of the rewards in the end
Keep looking forward and with each step it will bring you closer to getting to where you want to be- I wish you the best and I have to agree with Carla that you have done so much and one set-back doesn\'t deminish what you have done- Hugs!
I sort of agree with Trojan. In my experience, I went to a \"state\" sized school for two years and then decided to move to a larger university. I ended up not making a lot of connections at the new university because it was so big that it was easy to be on the surface with people I met and I already had my friend with my ED, there was no room for anyone else.
Advice: weigh the pros and cons of why you want to change schools and make sure they are realistic. The grass isn\'t always greener on the other side.