So I did a really dumb thing...
I thought I was ready to unblock my ex on Facebook but I really, REALLY wasn't. One of her statuses was "I love my boyfriend!" I wanted to shit a brick. The gall of this girl KILLS me. It was perfectly fine to hide me the entire time we dated and tell me how much more she was in love with me than she ever was with him. And now that they're back he gets the fucking A list experience with her, while the whole time we were together I was shoved in the back of the closet like a broom or something.
I don't know why I just compared myself to a broom. I'm in turmoil, bear with me here.
I skyped with Michelle and I just realized I don't want to purge or cut to deal with this. This isn't the road I want to be going down for the rest of my life. I haven't done either in awhile and I don't want to now. I mean, I WANT to, but I'm not going to.
I don't know. I'm just waiting to grow up and I'm waiting to be able to look at a picture of her without wanting to harm her or him or myself, and I'm just really waiting for life to begin. Shit sucks right now and I want to get through it really bad. And I can't avoid the shit or let it consume me or else it'll never go away. But that doesn't make it any less shitty.
All I've managed to pull from this little vent session is that I'm a shit-covered broom.
I want to curl up in a hole.