Ugh.
Monotony is setting in. It's just so BLARGH.
I keep seeing her EVERYWHERE. I want to carve my eyeballs out of my head so I won't keep seeing her face. Everything reminds me of her. It's really weird and hard for me to think that she'll be in college in a year. She'll be off doing such successful things at a great school (She's so intelligent), and I'll still be here fucking around like a failure. SADFGGRFEDsdfdsa. I just want to push this away but every time I do it comes back and hits me in the face like a fucking lesbian boomerang.
I'm trying with the whole college thing though. It's still really hard and I don't like it. But I want to give moving forward a shot. I'm really lonely but I feel ten times worse because of the whole A thing. It'd be a lot easier to make a new fresh start if I weren't tied down thinking of everything she does. I try to block her out of my life- she's blocked on Facebook, I have no contact with her, etc. But it's still something I can't get over.
I wish I could fast forward five years from now and see if it's all even gonna be worth it. If I'm still gonna feel this stuck on her then, what's the point? It's already been five months since we broke up, a little less than the amount of time we dated. I've never been normal with anything I do, what will make this any different?
I've been trying really hard to stay positive with the whole college thing, but this has just really been getting me down. If I knew the steps to take to move past it, I would, but I don't and nothing is working.
I keep seeing her EVERYWHERE. I want to carve my eyeballs out of my head so I won't keep seeing her face. Everything reminds me of her. It's really weird and hard for me to think that she'll be in college in a year. She'll be off doing such successful things at a great school (She's so intelligent), and I'll still be here fucking around like a failure. SADFGGRFEDsdfdsa. I just want to push this away but every time I do it comes back and hits me in the face like a fucking lesbian boomerang.
I'm trying with the whole college thing though. It's still really hard and I don't like it. But I want to give moving forward a shot. I'm really lonely but I feel ten times worse because of the whole A thing. It'd be a lot easier to make a new fresh start if I weren't tied down thinking of everything she does. I try to block her out of my life- she's blocked on Facebook, I have no contact with her, etc. But it's still something I can't get over.
I wish I could fast forward five years from now and see if it's all even gonna be worth it. If I'm still gonna feel this stuck on her then, what's the point? It's already been five months since we broke up, a little less than the amount of time we dated. I've never been normal with anything I do, what will make this any different?
I've been trying really hard to stay positive with the whole college thing, but this has just really been getting me down. If I knew the steps to take to move past it, I would, but I don't and nothing is working.
Replies