Well I found out why I have been consuming the whole earth...I hadn't gotten a refill on one of my meds, and one of the side effects is decreased appetite. So to go cold turkey on it was wreaking havoc on my appetite. Combined with the fact that I'd been restricting, it was free for all chaos in my head and on my plate. For a little less than a week I've been eating way too much, like 2000 a day and throwing everything up. It's been exhausting and I feel so out of control and fat. But I'm getting the meds back tomorrow so it should be a bit better.
I am trying really hard to stay in the moment. It's hard. I cannot summon that last bit of whatever it is I need to get over A. She hasn't written back yet and you know what, I doubt she ever will. That would be typical of everything that's ever happened. There is nothing I can do if she isn't ready, I know, but I'm so stuck.
I am really on edge and cranky. My father decided to let me know right now that I have a voice lesson tomorrow at ten, which means I have to get up at like 9 in the morning. I don't fall the fuck asleep until like 4. I'm really annoyed he would make it that early. He pisses me off when he does stuff like that without consulting me or thinking of me.
I guess that's it. Still shitty, but so grateful for you guys. When I am feeling down I re-read your comments and feel a little better. I love you all so much <3 xo
I am trying really hard to stay in the moment. It's hard. I cannot summon that last bit of whatever it is I need to get over A. She hasn't written back yet and you know what, I doubt she ever will. That would be typical of everything that's ever happened. There is nothing I can do if she isn't ready, I know, but I'm so stuck.
I am really on edge and cranky. My father decided to let me know right now that I have a voice lesson tomorrow at ten, which means I have to get up at like 9 in the morning. I don't fall the fuck asleep until like 4. I'm really annoyed he would make it that early. He pisses me off when he does stuff like that without consulting me or thinking of me.
I guess that's it. Still shitty, but so grateful for you guys. When I am feeling down I re-read your comments and feel a little better. I love you all so much <3 xo
Replies
Stay strong love all be ok
Ever hear that song by Bonny Raitt, I Can\'t Make You Love me?
Great one to sing along and cry to after a breakup, if you think a good cry is in order!
Enjoy your lesson. What sort of music are you working on? I am going to guess you as an alto or maybe second soprano. Am I correct?
Plenty of fish in the sea bud. Life will move on. You are a very positive and happy person and it is hard to see you feeling so low. I hope your meds will help balance your eating habits out a little bit. You need to get your head in the right place to fight this. It is ok to have bad days or weeks... shit happens. BIG big hugs from Vancouver
I\'m sorry that you throw up when you eat. Eventually, it will damage your esophagus and eat away at the enamel on your teeth. I always drank something and brushed my teeth right away, to lessen the amount of damage done, but little by little, it will still erode your health in those areas.
I\'m glad you\'ll be getting your med back. I hope it helps you in all ways, not just with your appetite control!!!! I assume you went cold turkey without your doctor\'s advice and help? They usually want to wean you off of things. If it WAS one of the kinds that can be stopped cold, I hope that it didn\'t cause you distress in other areas!!!
Mindfulness (living in the moment) is easy in many, everyday situations -- and not easy at all when it comes to the big stuff!!! Still, give it your best shot. The more you do it, the better you will get at it and do it enough and it becomes second nature!!! Being stuck after the end of a relationship is extremely common and now matter how right it was to break up, it\'s still a hard thing to move on from and nothing will work without just the passage of time. And there\'s nothing that can be done about that. It must just be endured.
Dealing with parents is another thing that usually gets better with time, but it\'s often a difficult transition, when you hit young adulthood. (They sometimes have a hard time viewing you as an adult, rather than a child, LOLOL!!!!) I\'m sorry you\'ll have to change your routine to get up that early. Keeping our routine is pretty important!!! (((((Hugs)))))
Keep ya head up, everything does eventually pass, and the good will eventually cancel out all the bad in your life, and you\'ll find a way to make it through the wars you face, I\'m here if you ever need to talk.
Hey lady...i have read though you last few journals and i have to firstly say that im so sorry you have been struggling...all i can say is isolation fuels the disorder and what i have learned from my therapy is you have to challenge your fear and anxiety. step out of your comfort zone. If you want change you have to challenge your \'normal\'. Its so hard to do but when you do it even once or twice it can lift your mood so much...i have tried to not base my challenging my \'normal\' doing things that i know will make me feel bad for hours/days after just yet...like going out fo meals with friends etc, im going for a drink and a catch up with friends i have isolated myself from...doing zumba classes but it fun and exercise so i enjoy it...you know what im saying??
Its little positive things angel.
I completely understand the food issues you\'re having, i feel the same most of the time leading to most of the time restricting so i don\'t have to deal with \'that\' feeling if i eat and not having to put myself through a purge...if i had the answers i wouldn\'t do it myself...all i can do is offer support and say you\'re not alone
many hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxx